Replies to '09/06 The Ex Factor'

Wow! Your ex sounds just like my ex! My ex calls my adult daughters (I have 3 of them ) on their cell phones and demands to know where they are. They do not even live with him! He calls them when they are visiting me. Sometimes my daughters don't answer their phone and other times they lie to him about where they are. They live in fear of him. At one point, my daughter told him that she was at Wal-Mart and he said "prove it!". At that point I felt like saying, "Attention Wal-Mart shoppers". He has made sure that he has some control over them in some way... @ of them are on his cell phone service and the other one is a co-owner of a car that she drives to college. He bought 4 tires for my other daughter's car and threatens to "take them off" when she doesn't answer her phone. With me, he has been battling it out over a property settlement agreement and will not give me my personal belongings nor will he close the joint bank account and give me my $600 of my share of the money. We have been divorced for 4 years now and he is still battling. All I want is to have my share of the proceeds. He told my son to ask me "Why don't you just give dad the house?" I worked 2 jobs and suffered thru 20 years of marriage to a control freak and an abuser and I have decided to fight back! The house and my belongings are the last things that he has to control me. Once the house is ordered sold through the court then my new husband and I will move as far away as possible.

Hi- I read your message and I can relate to your story really well. Although I wasn't ever married to the jerk I dated one just like your! He abused me so much emotionally and physically. I hooked up with him when i was only 17 and became pregnant by 19. He beat the crap out of me, spit in my face, punched holes in walls, jumped out of my moms jeep while we were driving, pushed me down stairs and i could go on and on too. It really got bad when I was pregnant he did all of these things and cheated on me while I was in the hospital pregnant with kidney stones and so forth. Well when my son was born he choked me while I was holding him (2wks old) He would say he had to return video's and he wouldn't come back for weeks. He physically RUN out of our house so he wouldn't have to watch our son if I had an erron to do and on and on. My point is that it didn't take more than a month after my son was born and i realized that i was not going to subject my son to this or let him grow up thinking this behavoir was acceptable! To make a long story short he admitted to being gay shortly after I left him and moved in with some guys. However I'm the only one he admitted it to still to this day. My son is now 3 1/2 yrs old and I'm married to a wonderful guy who is the complete opposite. I went from the absolute worst to the absolute best! NO JOKE! If I can do it others can as well. I thought I would never be able to leave him and move on,. I'm not going to lie it has affected my relationships but only when I allowed it to. I still have to remind my self that my husband isn't out to cheat on me and that all guys aren't bad. There are some good guys out there. Don't be afraid to leave your house and start dating again. Learn from your past and continue to be the best person you know that you can be! My ex hasn't seen his son in 6 months and I beleive it's for the better. As much as I HATE my son's dad I have NEVER and will NEVER talk bad about him. My mom did that to me growing up from a divorce and I won't admit it to her but I resent her for that! I always positive talk about my son's dad when he asked about him and encourge everyone to do the same! When your children grow up they will realize what there parents are about, trust me! Good luck to you

This is so common wit abusers ~

I'm not sure if you'll make it back here to see this ~ or others. but, I had to speak further on this. 24 years I've known my ex, 21 years of marraige. His family had the financial ability to destroy me (I've been disabled 9 years, on social security disability. they hired him two expensive attorneys while i've gone bankrupt, and now taking my mother ~ ALL in trying to 'be fair' and only get what I was enttitled to ~ along with trying to protect my son.


We didn't have a lot of money ~ but if he'd stuck to the agreement we had ~ it would have been quick, inexpensive, we would have a 20,000.00 or so apiece and good credit. MY STUPIDITY ~ KNOWING the family history, dysfunction, as well as his. He'd been emotionally,mentally abusive to me and my son for years. Controlling ~ wow ~ he'd been physical at times too ~ it's the 'threat of that ' and the intimidation that they know how to use sooooo well ~ along with the control. I'm supopsed to be 'fairly intelligent, have a 2 year degree ~ and informed/educated ~ I thought ~ on alcoholism, etc. HA

It wasnt' until my son and I got out that I realized JUST how beaten down (again) he'd had me. Most of their families KNOW ~ and the 'friends' ~ BUT ~ the double standards still exist ~ along with the 'slander and assasination they will do to our characters. The courts far to often will accomadate these 'abusers.' I'm working and trying to see what options there are in this County ~ and State ~ to see WHY ~ with the 'judge' I had - who KNEW THIS CASE SO WELL ~ has sentenced my son to live with his father. I have this documented to DEATH. Social servies WAS involved after he took the rifle (after being admonished in April he couldnt have it until Oct (due to my protection order) and when I obtained one on my son (this happened the DAY I had to give him the boat, motorcycle etc ~ AFTER he'd been out of court order 3 months of paying our mortgage ~ and I'd gone 18 months with NO help from him beyond the 'child support' ~ NO medical assistance ~ 3 months of NO child support (our sons medical expenses were 200 a month alone (mine were 300 (on the insurance by the way ( i have the credit report SHOWING he was the one to destroy it)

(OHH ~ that judge GAVE him the rifle and motorcycle during my prot order HEAING ~~ after hearing testimony that he'd threatened me with it previously)

This same judge came in and took my sons prot order hearing ~ 'as I know this case so well there is NO NEED for another judge to hear it' threatened my 'visitation' - "you are dangerously close to losing your visitation" quote unquote ~ as I am 'trying to overturn hHIS ruling ~ DUHHH ~ my son testified to that judge - IN FRONT of my ex's attoreny - to WHAT his father had been doing - tot the TWO of us ~ and he admitted it in several of the prot order hearings - stalking, violating the 100/500 foot rule, parental alienting my son - was under TWO differnt NON-DRINKING orders durin all of this time -

Then in the divorce trial - admistted to taking my medications (without my permission) which included darvocet ( a controlled substance) but - he'd been sober about a month. ANDND he'd 'just gone 6 weeks for 'no good reason w/out seeing our son'. That 'no good reason' was his refusal to submit to evaluation fo rhis anger and alcoholism. NOR get into aa etc.


Though the childrens welfare dept agreed I have the emotionalmental abuse WELL documented - and he is thoroughly punishing my son w/holding visitation to the bare minimum, refusing to let him use the cell phone i pay for to keep in touch with him, and far more, 'this is all legal.' Emotional/mental abuse cases - the judges here - do NOT care.


somehow ~ he got out of the civil court prot order violations on that gun ~ 'as he'd turned it in already.'  the states attorneyy - though initially taking and charging - he never showed - when he DID ~ someone had 'crossed out the gun information there - so it was 'unclear' etc

it is amazing how they will take the abusers side - even with the witness's who spoke - 'i'm the one w/the deep resentment - and h'e s the parent better able to facilitate a relation w/'the child and other parent,' - AND - financailly CARE for this child. After repeatedly denying my sons documented medical conditions (he's now off his concerta, allegra, nasonex etc -

all that - while this man makes 60,000.00 a year, not a lot i know but - i am court odered to pay child support, 1/2 medical - and they went so far as to add my sons ssdi check to MY income - and it is STILL like 200 more a  month over 'my support contribution' -lmao - and then gave me 1.00 in alimony - when it should/will be closer to 800 per month. I had to represent myself thru ALL of this at the end - as my attorney went along with whateer lies he and his attorney told.

I even have every one of 'his witness's, his attorney and him of course, on record w/perjury. however - it does you no good w/out effective representation, lot so fmoney to fight it - and it is my son who is 'sentenced' to what i stayed hte last 3 years of the marraige to protect him from.

he has FULL REIGN to TRY and turn m son against me - again - the lies - and his attorney even wrote and said - the viisitation denials etc are a result of my filing charges. i have to be 'punished - per my ex - for 'my blatant lies, lying thru my teeth over all of this. it's beyond hysterical.


try and find agencies who can help - NOW - national organization of womens law - attorneys etc - ahas been giving me some goo dlinks - i'm going thru the politicians on this - but - i am beyond exhausted. if i can't save my son right now - i WILL try and effeect some change on 'enforcing the LAWS that are on the books here - and blatantly ignored.

both my son and i were/are - in top notch counseling with DOCTORS of psychology - for 1 1/2 years - and this judge NEVER contacted her - nor was there ANY home studies etc - this was ALL on HIS views.

You are so right - they will NEVER STOP - please try and get your daughter counseling - yourself - etc - educatioin is helpful. networking - as we HAVE to grow back to the GOOD AND DECNT WHOLE people that they can't STAND to see us being. THIS is what they try to do ~ BREAK US - and KEEP US there.


Just for more personal babble(sorry) they (he and his family ) denied i have/am disabled from fibro, myofascial, degenerative disc disease - 3 spnal surgeries - two more needed at this time - pinched nerves etc - and in writing 'told me to get off my lazy azz and get a job' (severe tmj, carpal tunnel and post traumatic stress disorder are MOSt of my diagnosis.

look up 'legal abuse syndrome ' as well -

good luck - i need to go

HUGGSSS to all in these degrading, disgusting situations.  - don't let them 'win' by destroying your spirit - as hard as it is


Smiles ~ Pat