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Replies to '10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos'
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October 5, 2005, 7:12 pm PDT
 Quote From: divableu21 I applaud you moms for putting a voice to your frustrations. I'm not a mother yet, but I know that taking care of a household is hard work. However, I do agree with some of the points of the other postings. While the women on today's show weren't complaining, I do hear a lot of whining and what not from my friends who are stay at home parents. They always complain that having children is so hard and being home all day is very difficult, and that they don't want to be a "Stepford Wife". Sometimes I do want to say--you made your bed, now lay in it. Before getting married, shouldn't it be discussed about child-rearing and sharing household duties? My fiance and I got all of that straight before we moved in together and before we got engaged. We discussed that if he doesn't share in the housework, bill paying, etc etc, then no deal--no marriage. Also, a lot of my friends keep procreating thinking this will convince husband to do more in the house. I just don't see how this could work. If having one toddler around is chaos, how is having a toddler and a newborn supposed to help. I do however, understand where the women on today's show are coming from. It seems that these women have lost themselves and no longer do what they want to do. Perhaps one or two days out of the week, they can take an afternoon to volunteer or take a class. Getting back in touch with yourself is a wonderful catharsis and can lead to better balance in life. The kids get some time away from mom to socialize with other children (if they're at the babysitter, etc) which is a wonderful thing, and mom gets to break from the chaos at home. When mom is able to get some much needed "me" time, then she can operate much better. I'm in no way saying the kids should be at babysitters all the time, but something should give. Dad gets his outlet at work, kids get their outlet playing, and mom gets her outlet doing something that she enjoys (other than cooking/housework, etc). Even one hour a week for mom to go to a pottery or painting class can help. She may even foster new friendships with other SAHM's while doing so--and having a network of friends who understand your situation is a great support!
It's one thing to discuss how things will work after marriage, and another to see how it pans out in reality. We never expected to have a disabled child. We never expected me to have MS, we never expected him to have to work 80+ hrs a week. We didn't know to plan for those things. I'm chronically tired, so is he. Mine is from health, his from so many hours working. He must be rested to do his job properly, and as a paramedic that is vitally important.
Our kids kick in and we're getting by, but my point is that all the planning in the world doesn't always prepare you for reality. I used to jokingly ask if he'd take care of me if I was one day in a wheelchair, but we certainly never discussed it as a real possibility. So many things happen that change how familys function. One would never cover them all until they happen.
Yes, it's good to discuss. But to say that our struggles are our fault because we made these choices? I didn't choose for my daughter to be disabled, or for me to have MS, or for our house to need to many repairs all of a sudden. S**t happened and we're left to deal with it.
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