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Replies to 'Breaking Up'
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September 13, 2007, 5:23 am PDT
 Quote From: chris26 I met this guy at work about 3 years ago named Jimmy and we started talking at work. Later I found out from friends that he had an interest in me. I myself really did not want a relationship and I made this clear to him. He continued to contact me online asking me to go out with him and tell me why I should go out with him. I started to fell sorry for him because he was telling me and also my friends how much he liked me and how he wished I would give him a chance. Out of guilt I went out with him and it seemed ok at first until he began to smother me and make stories up about my friends. It seemed he was always trying to get my friends fighting with me. After 2 months of dating I told him i didn't want to see him anymore because of everything that was going on(lying,smothering me and such). I told him he needed to talk to someone and try to get help for himself for his lying and such I would be there for him as a friend. he didn't get any help at all he still contnued to stalk me. he used to wait outsie work for me and call me and e-mail me. Then finally he told me he was going away with the military. I was so happy, no more looking over my shoulder. After being spit up for about 2 months I found out I was pregnant and that he was trying to get me pregnant the whole time I was with him. I also found out that he took a girl from work out to lunch and he slept with her at a baseball park during their one hour lunch and then went back to work. Which just turned my stomach. Anyway i didn't tell him I was pregnant but I heard he had been going around telling people I was pregant since the day I left him. I broke all comunication with him for 6 months. By then I was 8 months pregant and I felt guilty not telling him I was pregnant and the baby was his. he came home one weekend from work and we decided to go out for a drive that is when I told him the baby was his. We continued to hang out as friends and a few weeks later we decide to get back together on one condition and that was that he had chnaged. Of course he told me he thought about things and that he had changed and to me it looked like he had changed. Everything seemed so perfect for the first 4 months we were back together so we decide to get an apartment together. We havr been living in this apartment for 2 years and it is just terrible. He does nothing at all to help out with the kids or the house work or the bills. My daugther from a previous relationship has moved in with my mother because of the way Jimmy treats her and the baby we have together never wants to be with him. He treats all of us like crap and all it is in this house everyday is emotional abuse from him. My mothers wants me and the baby to move back in with her but Jimmy will not watch the baby long enough so I can get moved into my moms. He doesn't want me to leave and he has been saying stuff to my family to make me look bad. he has been saying I want to live with my mother for the rest of my life and that i don't want to work. just so you know I have held the same job for 6 yrs so as far as not wanting to work it just does not make sence. I feel like he is trapping me here because he won't help me move by watching the baby. He is obviously trying to once again control you. There have to be alternatives instead of relying on him. Ask your mom to come to your house and watch the kids while you pack, get a babysitter, ask friends and family to help with the kids etc. There is a solution to every problem, you know the best thing for you is to move on now which I recommend hughly, now find ways to attain that goal. Don't allow him to run your life and keep you hostage! Reach out to people for help. Did you look into daycare for a few weeks? The sooner you get out the better for you and the kids. |
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September 14, 2007, 6:37 am PDT
Quote From: chris26 I met this guy at work about 3 years ago named Jimmy and we started talking at work. Later I found out from friends that he had an interest in me. I myself really did not want a relationship and I made this clear to him. He continued to contact me online asking me to go out with him and tell me why I should go out with him. I started to fell sorry for him because he was telling me and also my friends how much he liked me and how he wished I would give him a chance. Out of guilt I went out with him and it seemed ok at first until he began to smother me and make stories up about my friends. It seemed he was always trying to get my friends fighting with me. After 2 months of dating I told him i didn't want to see him anymore because of everything that was going on(lying,smothering me and such). I told him he needed to talk to someone and try to get help for himself for his lying and such I would be there for him as a friend. he didn't get any help at all he still contnued to stalk me. he used to wait outsie work for me and call me and e-mail me. Then finally he told me he was going away with the military. I was so happy, no more looking over my shoulder. After being spit up for about 2 months I found out I was pregnant and that he was trying to get me pregnant the whole time I was with him. I also found out that he took a girl from work out to lunch and he slept with her at a baseball park during their one hour lunch and then went back to work. Which just turned my stomach. Anyway i didn't tell him I was pregnant but I heard he had been going around telling people I was pregant since the day I left him. I broke all comunication with him for 6 months. By then I was 8 months pregant and I felt guilty not telling him I was pregnant and the baby was his. he came home one weekend from work and we decided to go out for a drive that is when I told him the baby was his. We continued to hang out as friends and a few weeks later we decide to get back together on one condition and that was that he had chnaged. Of course he told me he thought about things and that he had changed and to me it looked like he had changed. Everything seemed so perfect for the first 4 months we were back together so we decide to get an apartment together. We havr been living in this apartment for 2 years and it is just terrible. He does nothing at all to help out with the kids or the house work or the bills. My daugther from a previous relationship has moved in with my mother because of the way Jimmy treats her and the baby we have together never wants to be with him. He treats all of us like crap and all it is in this house everyday is emotional abuse from him. My mothers wants me and the baby to move back in with her but Jimmy will not watch the baby long enough so I can get moved into my moms. He doesn't want me to leave and he has been saying stuff to my family to make me look bad. he has been saying I want to live with my mother for the rest of my life and that i don't want to work. just so you know I have held the same job for 6 yrs so as far as not wanting to work it just does not make sence. I feel like he is trapping me here because he won't help me move by watching the baby. You are only trapped because you are allowing this man to trap you!! You are kidding yourself to think, even for a moment, that he would actually watch the baby so you could move- that is NEVER going to happen. The best thing you can do for you and your precious children is to make a plan to move out- find another family member or friend to watch your baby and get the heck out of there. My advice to you is to not tell him before you leave; just wait until he is gone to work and pack up your stuff and go. He isn’t ever going to do anything to help you; he is only interested in holding you back in life so that he can keep you like a pet. He will continue to tell lies about you to other people so that he can get you alone and isolated; that way, he will have complete control. Don’t allow this to happen; you deserve so much more! Dr. Phil says that guilt is a wasted emotion; where does guilt get you? It only makes you feel badly about yourself. If you make decisions based on guilt, you will lose out every time. I urge you to seek professional therapy because you need to learn how to think and make rational decisions without allowing guilt to get in the way. (In my own personal experience, I left an abusive relationship when I had a 3 week old baby; I brought my baby to my therapy appointments with me! No need to find a sitter!) It is difficult to change because this is the way that you’ve been living your life and making decisions based on guilt for a long time, but all the hard work is worth it! You’ve made some wrong decisions in your life, but it is never too late to begin making the right decisions- the sooner the better. If your self esteem is low and you think this is all you deserve, think of your precious babies and what they deserve- they deserve a happy, healthy mom who is there for them. The way things are now for you are very sad, you shouldn’t be separated from your child. Be good to yourself and take care of YOU. |
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