Replies to '10/07 The Latest Debates'

Where has anyone said they want to tell kids it's "ok if they make that decision, just use a condom???  "   They said the kids who are going to have sex are going to do it if they do or don't have condoms & I don't know where you went to school but this has been the case since the 1950's when my husband was conceived out of wedlock!  At the start of this discussion there was a teen who isn't having sex who told you this very same thing & you just belittled her saying she's "the exception to the rule".  She's is NOT.  If a young couple is going to have sex they are going to have sex & I don't think that going back to the scare tactics of the 1950's of telling young women that sex is dirty is going to fix anything but just scare the heck out of them the way it did back then &/or turn it into even more of a forbidden fruit!   

  

It is true that a rape is more about control than it is sex but if a perpetrator thinks his victim is going to make him ill (as was suggested by the another poster) then you can BET he is going to use a condom & especially if it's provided.  You think girls need to be protected by family members like fathers?  & what are they suppost to do not ever let their daughter out of their sight?  Should they be escorted every where by a male family member like in the middle east?  Are you saying that if a girl goes to work & drives on her own or take public trasnportation at the age of 17 we're sending her into a lion's den?  Never mind the water pistol I wouldn't want to do that if I'd handed her an elephant gun!   We have to prepare them for a world where they aren't always going to be under the protection of the men in their family.  They will be on their own some day & that's as early as the college years where there are many assaults on women.  Are you going to prepare them or limit them by not allowing them to go to college to protect them?      

  

You keep saying abstanience should be what is taught & I'm curious as to what you think they should be told if they're not ever intending on getting married?  I mean are we telling them that sex outside of marriage is wrong?  Not all believe this & this is where the line starts to blurr for people because while no one wants young girls (or boys) having sex some don't feel it's right to tell a young person that if they have sex without being married they're perverted or it's just dirty.   

  

Another poster had pointed out that the European countries are a lot more open about sex education & condoms & that the rate of pregnancy & std's are nothing like here in the states.  Your answer to that is that they're pregnancy rate is lower because of abortion............?  & the sarcastic way you end with  "just curious....." is down right demeaning.  You seem to have all the answers for everything including how pregnancy is the fault of parents who are "working"  because pregnancy often "happens between the hours of 3  -  5"  I think I got that quote right.  so I believe you're speaking of the working moms?  This wouldn't be to make people feel guilt would it?  Is this the compassion that you're taught as a Christian?   You don't think it was just a bit cruel in another post to say "I wonder how many of those babies that died would have survived Hurricane Katrina if their moms had been breastfeeding.  how sad babies died because of no formula!!  I personally think EVERY mom should breastfeed!  but that's just MY opinion "   I mean have you considered there could be a  woman  reading these boards who's lost a baby in the Hurricane & she was bottle feeding?  How would you think this would make her feel good?  Is this the love & compassion you're taught as a Christian?  I had surprise twins & being caught off guard I decided to bottle feed I never considereed myself to be "evil" & there are many mothers of multiple births that bottle feed.  Do you think we're all just horrible because we don't feel physically capable of feeding more than 1?  & even if you do exactly WHO are you to make that judgement?  How dare you judge others for not having breast fed their baby & making them feel bad if their child is dead do to a shortage of food & this not having been an available option!  I consider myself a Christian too & some day when I meet God & I am being judged I know I'll have sinned & sins of the flesh may be there on the list, but I can only hope that when God looks at my life  he sees very little in the way of me being cruel to my fellow man & more when it came to me being helpful & loving.     

I agree with you about the assault thing, but sometimes girls get date raped or raped by someone they sort-of know. In this instance it's highly unlikely she will prosecute for rape. And most rapes don't bring convictions, unless there is physical evidence like bruises on the girls and scratches on the guy. It's more dangerous to fight back with an attacker because a really violent one may be more prone to kill you if you piss him off. If it were me I would rather try to convince him to use a condom and let him rape me and try to convince him to leave afterwards because I am more afraid of being killed by an attacker than raped. And I would rather deal with emotional scars than get AIDS or get pregnant by a rapist. Also, sometimes these tactics can provide a distraction. Though not always. I don't care if it's kind of like offering your consent. In the first place that is a weak argument. In the second, if the girl survives the attack and goes on to prosecute, if she can say, I had to comply because he had a knife to my throat, it's not likely people will really think she was asking for it by using a condom. I agree in cases like Kobe Bryant where the sex was accused of being nonconsensual but it wasn't violent it might make the woman look worse if she decides to prosecute and has convinced the guy to use a condom. But if there's even a minute chance I were going to be in that situation, if I had a condom on me I would try to get the guy to use it. 

  

I think you should explain to people your view of the emotional and psychological consequences of early sex and what you mean by early. Are you talking any premarital, or before you graduate from high school? From personal experience I know that so many teens are not swayed by the messages of STDs or pregnancy as a deterrent, perhaps the argument you are trying to make here needs to be better spelled out. I think that when teens think they are in love it doesn't matter to them to wait until marriage. They just want to have sex to fulfill their sense of love and intimacy in the relationship. I think this is a really natural urge that has been altered in the course of our society becoming better educated and living longer. Fertility starts in the teen years because long ago people actually started having children in their teens and were most likely dead before they were 30. So waiting for years to have sex is biologically counterinstinctual. But you are right to say there are consequences of getting that intimate, people are not really ready to handle the implications of their actions when our society discourages adult behaviors in under 18s. It's really hard to make a life for yourself these days, trying to do it before you are 18 and have no way to support yourself and take care of a little baby, etc. is really hard. Not to mention the commitment phobia many young men have which can be detrimental to the girl who is seeking to "keep" her guy by sleeping with him or even getting pregnant with his child to keep him from leaving.