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Replies to 'Getting Along With Your In-Laws'
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September 20, 2007, 1:14 pm PDT
 Quote From: lisluvsace00 After 8 months of having my hubby's mom not talk to us, we decided we wanted to try to reconnect! So we emailed her and no response! Then my bil emailed saying that we need to leave her alone! That she doesn't want us to contact her right now! That we lied to her and emotionally abused her! That really upset us! We wrote back and asked how did we lie to her and emotionally abuse her! And no response there! We don't even know what we did! How are we suppose to know what we did if nobpdy will talk to us! Or for that matter when! I'm wondering is it still worth trying to reconsile or should we give up trying? I'm not sure anymore! I feel so bad for my husband! I love him so much! We are close with my family and I think it makes him sad about his! He used to be really close to his family! Personally I could really care less about us reconsiling with his family because of the way they've treated me! But I don't want my husband to suffer!! I want to now, should we continue to try to connect or just give up? You said that his family has treated you badly, what about their behavior towards your husband? Are they equally disrespectful to him also? Was this disconnect initiated by the two of you or by your MIL? (just curious!) I know it is really frustrating to be accused of doing something you didn‘t do- in your case, “lying and emotionally abusing her..” but you’ve got to remember the type of people that you are dealing with. These aren’t rational, reasonable people who want to get along. They are people who enjoy chaos and dysfunction. So, they will make up lies/accusations in an attempt to validate their actions. I suspect that your MIL is offended that she has been disconnected from her son, so when you two made an attempt to reconcile, she is being childish and she’s playing the game back at you. She doesn’t want to communicate because she is trying to give you a taste “of your own medicine,” trying to make things equal. In an attempt to make her actions sound reasonable, she is accusing you of lying to her and emotionally abusing her. Real nice, huh!?? Your MIL’s actions is proof that she hasn’t changed at all. She isn’t interested in getting along, she only wants to dominate. Although this is hurtful for your husband, it is the best for him, because no matter how hard he tries, there isn’t anything that he will ever do that will make them (all of the in-laws) happy. Yes, it is sad for your husband that things are like this. When he reflects on the past and what a close relationship he used to have with his family, it is possible that his memories are tricking him. What I mean by that is this: sometimes when a person passes away, their friends/family members elevate that person to be imperfect while they were here on earth. In that same sense, your husband might be reminiscing about the past and romanticizing the actual events to be great, when the reality was that there was always a level of dysfunction in the family. I wish you the best- try to keep yourselves busy so that you don’t have much time to dwell on this! |
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