Replies to '01/01 Mama Drama'

My mother and stepfather were violent alcoholics. My stepfather abused us everyway an adult can abuse a child. When I told my mother he sexually abused me and my sister , she slapped my across the face. She wanted to know what I did to lead him on. I ran away from home when I was fifteen.  I am quite abit older now. I used to hate her. I don't any more. I do not have any relationship with her. She means nothing to me.

She would sit on the sofa and hand me her drink and say, "Put a head on this."  I was a child and was my mother's bartender. I would pour straight alcohol into the glass and wait for the fist fights to begin. I have not seen or spoken to my mother in 10 years. I would not attend her funeral. I would not waste the gas.

My son died I did not tell her. My mother is just not a part of my life.

I know that you feel that yesterday no longer lives within you.  I would have to say that your thoughts may not be correct, for it is my understanding that there is a very short distance between love and hate.  One brings forth understanding that can lead to acceptance, thus to forgiveness, the other to a path of self-destruction.

I chose the path of healing...because I couldn't change yesterday, I could only make today a better day...I hope you understand what I am a saying.

For it isn't what someone writes that is all so important...it is what one gathers from that writing...

Have you seen the movie, "What Do We Know Anyways.?" Or the movie, "Down The Rabbit's Hole," they are both movies that show what happens to the very building blocks of our bodies, our blood cells...when anger is allowed to become manifested within us...it isn't very pretty.

That malady if allowed to continue long term...I believe is the cause of our major illness, of mind, body and spirit...instead of a hope filled life, we have a hopeless life.

This is what my father used as a instrument to gain access to the innocense that he attempted to take from me, when he was out of focus with God...

I was in my early teens...I didn't know what sex was...I just knew that I needed to save it for marriage.

One day my father told me about a magazine perhaps "Reader's Digest," or something similar to it...in the article this man wrote that he did lots of research in the field of sex and sexuality...and from his random sampling of the U.S. population, he discovered that more and more father figures were a initiating sex to their daughters and sons.

My father was quite perplexed by what he read...

Perhaps it is possible that your mother's own father or step father...read the same article that only showed one side of the coin.   What was missing, was the results of such selfish and destructive patterns?

Perhaps were are the results of such one sided viewing...our stories being told now...is perhaps what we all should be doing so that our children and their children won't suffer the results of such family destroying and limiting patterns...

I didn't tell my mother about what my dad tried to do with me when she was in a sanitorium due to her having TB for 6 months and my dad began to drink and go to the bars after work, out of lonliness...

Because I loved her that much and I didn't want to hurt her...I know she knows now...I am sure my dad knows all that he also did that helped create a world that Our Father definitely wouldn't have wanted for any of his children...

My father and mother were children when they had children...for couples caught up in this same kind of mix...growing up isn't easy, especially if one doesn't have clear headed, focused on Our Father's Will and Desire for our lives...

I also want to mention that I know of several females who also told me that their mother didn't believe them or blamed them for the sexual abuses of fathers, step fathers, boyfriends, friends and such...

They also told me that their mothers, step-mothers, all had very low self-esteem...and to believe that their loved man could do this to them, filled them with fear of being alone....so it was easier to close their eyes to the truth, than face it.

What this creates in the girl or boy child, is a feeling of not being enough...and sometimes they never climb over that mountain placed in their path by the momma....

I never told my mother, so I don't know how she would react.  I often imagine her attacking my father, for she was a mother bear when it came to her children and others that would bring them harm.  I believe that her spirit could have taken losing my father in her life.  Yet, we were so very poor...and to be without my dad's income would have changed our lives considerably...

I did tell my dad that if he ever touched any of us again...that I would tell my mother...from what I gathered from my siblings...(we were a family of 9, 3 girls, 6 boys) only my sister 8 years younger, and way before dad found Our Lord; talks about a time our dad was drunk and tried to get her into bed....she ran out of his arms reach and stated he never tried it again...Our dad passed at 78 years old, and our mother at 81.  Yes, my mother was 3 years older than my dad...

So I feel your pain...yet not totally, for I don't know how I would have felt had I gotten the strength up to tell my mother and had her blame me...wow, that would have been mind upsettling...to say the least...

I will keep you in my prayers...I am sorry for your experience and I pray that it will bring new light into your life, if nothing else, to not allow it to effect you or your precious gifts from God.

Please have a great new year...and may all kinds of wonderful blessings fill your life, mind, body and spirit...

You Are Loved Dear One!

We All Are

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

please see...

www.mayyoubeblessed.com

I'm sorry  you had to experience that. I know first-hand the fear, shame and anger it leaves behind. I too was called a liar by my mother when I told her what my father had done to me. Since my father had deserted the family by then (which is why I was no longer terrified to speak up), her only concern was that I don't let my older brother know. She felt the news might "upset" him.     I was intrigued when you said you had "turned it around". I don't feel I ever hated my mother. I've always been aware that that would do me more damage than good. Yet I don't feel I've ever "turned it around". On two separate occassions, I tried to get closure - both from my mother and from my father. No go on either score. I followed him to Britain; where I found out he had told everyone his wife and children had been killed years ago in a car crash. I got some satisfaction proving to all his cronies that he was a liar; but I never found him. With my mother, I tried to say let's just get to know each other as two women, and put the disfunctional mother/daughter role behind us. She wouldn't even answer my letter & died soon after. So I don't feel hate. I don't feel anything. And there are times that worries me, a lot.......