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marnie44
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October 3, 2007, 10:45 pm PDT

Serenity83 your post......

Quote From: serenity83

I will definatly be watching the show because I feel that mom and I can learn alot from it and know that we aren't the only ones who dont get along. I am the oldest of two children between dad and mom and ever since their divorse my life was hell. I knever felt close enough to my mom where I could tell her what was on my mind. I grew up supressing my feelings towards my mom and finaly I had hit the enough was enough when I was seventeen. I remember even as a child there was nothing I could do to be loved more. I used to colour outside of the lines in grade 3 and one time I remember my mom telling me my brother was going to do better then me in school.. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Ever since then I just kept my feelings to myself because I had no one to tell them too. To this day there are things shes done to me she will never do to my brother and now she wants to raise my son. My husband died last year and I cant even open up to her all the way because everythign I say and do is judged. She hates my inlaws she treats my loss as a divorse I live with her because the cost of living is high and I am going back to school. She does help out with my son but we just get along like we should.

Serenity83, your post has helped me so much! 

 

I too never felt close to my mom and couldn't talk to her and had to supress my feelings and never felt good enough and my brother was always better than me.

 

My whole life I felt used by her....used as a scapegoat & a sewage dump for all her unresolved toxic issues.

 

I don't have a relationship with her any more because of this (& other things) and it feels wonderful to be free of her.  I don't wish bad things on her....it's like she's a former boss that was terrible to work for but now I don't work there anymore and I've moved on to a new job.

 

I really admire that you are going back to school...I sure wish I had...education will give you enormous freedom & options so that you won't be trapped with people who are toxic.  There is nothing worse in life than to have no options & be stuck....you're making a very wise choice to pursue school and/or whatever will give you independence.

 

I'm very sorry about your husband.....it is heatbreaking that you are going through such a terrible loss.

 

I'm pulling for you and will hold you in my thoughts & prayers.

 

 

 

 

 
 
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goodlisnr
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January 6, 2008, 12:11 pm PST

Been there too

Quote From: serenity83

I will definatly be watching the show because I feel that mom and I can learn alot from it and know that we aren't the only ones who dont get along. I am the oldest of two children between dad and mom and ever since their divorse my life was hell. I knever felt close enough to my mom where I could tell her what was on my mind. I grew up supressing my feelings towards my mom and finaly I had hit the enough was enough when I was seventeen. I remember even as a child there was nothing I could do to be loved more. I used to colour outside of the lines in grade 3 and one time I remember my mom telling me my brother was going to do better then me in school.. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Ever since then I just kept my feelings to myself because I had no one to tell them too. To this day there are things shes done to me she will never do to my brother and now she wants to raise my son. My husband died last year and I cant even open up to her all the way because everythign I say and do is judged. She hates my inlaws she treats my loss as a divorse I live with her because the cost of living is high and I am going back to school. She does help out with my son but we just get along like we should.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was widowed with a young child too, a few years ago now. Similarily my relationship with my mother was much the same as your own. I also had first-hand experience of what it felt like to be the "lesser" child. (Whatever a young child can do to earn/deserve such a title and all that comes with it, I'm still not sure to this day.) I understand that finances will be difficult while you persue your education; however, I'd urge you to be very careful. The cost of staying in her environment could be high , both for you and your son. I know you want a childhood for him that includes colouring " outside the lines" if he chooses. You mentioned "she" hates your in-laws. Surely it's your feelings about them that matter ultimately; especially if they could be of financial assisance, or provide alternate accommodation. With a young child to bring up alone, and a spouse to grief, you need all the hugs you can get.I hope you have friends in your world to give them freely and often. Good luck.
 
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