Replies to '01/01 Mama Drama'

I did not see this show, but my 18 y/o daughter did and so I identified with it that she wrote a message to Megan on her MySpace page.  I just so happened to read my daughters message to Megan and it really hurt, as it was all lies.

You see, my daughter is just like Megan in so many ways.  She is a gifted singer/songwriter who started writing music on acoustic guitar at age 13.  We were all amazed at her talent. Of course, I was proud, I am her mother, but then others in the area in the local music scene told me that she really was good....that she had "it"......the looks, the sound, the stage presence, etc.  She said this is what she wanted to do with her life and she became so popular in the area with her performances, and so Mom got behind her to support and help, like most all of us Mom's and Dad's do.  (could have been a talented atheletic son and Dad would have been there too...aren't we supposed to be proud and as supportive as we can?)

Anyway, I too am a single mother.  I live on very modest income and because of health issues haven't been able to work in years.  I did however, receive some money, a settlement from a car accident in which I was hurt badly.  I had planned to use that money towards my own retirement funds, because I don't have any retirement funds.  But, instead, I ended up investing that money in my daughters "career".  She needed clothes and equipment and supplies, hair, makeup, publicity photos, local recording sessions for demos,  money to manufacture those demos and protection of copyrights filed with Library of Congress.......lawyer, accountant, and the list goes on and on and on.   It cost thousands.  She wanted this and everyone encouraged her to go for it.  Was I wrong to invest my money in her?  Had she wanted to be a doctor it would have gone for medical school/training.  But, this was her talent and chosen field.  I invest and help her out and I would probably get my investment back down the road.....its win/win.....right?  Wrong.

She was tremendously lucky that a big producer from London, just so happened to be at one of her performances and liked what he saw.  He offered to have her come to London and work with a team of professional songwriters to firm up her songwriting capabilities and we had to pay for that initial trip.  I did all that I could to raise the money to get her there.  We printed flyers and Tshirts and had them on display at school, in local businesses and friends helping to raise the money with demos and Tshirts for donation towards the trip.  My daughter even contributed a $2,000 savings bond from her grandmother, as her part towards the financing.  All in all, it cost us about $9,000 to go over there.  But, the trip was a huge success and she was offered a recording contract that was very favorably written for her.  I ended up giving the last of my money, the donations and her contribution to get her there and when we came home we were broke!!  I had become her manager.....not because I wanted to do that but out of necessity.  Someone had to do it and I was spending all the money on her so it was only logical that I fill the position.  At least I could get the tax advantage for all the money that was going out of the window for this enterprise.  Makes sense to me.

But things began to change.  My daughter for whatever reason delayed signing the contract.  And, that is ok, he left the door open to her.  But, she also quit HS in 11th grade and began using drugs as well.  She got in with the wrong crowd, and also had developed this huge ego with a sense of entitlement to go with it.  It seems the more I did for her the less she appreciated it and the more demanding she became until I felt I was living with an intimidating bully!!  The constant drama and histrionics were continuous and began to wear me out.  She got with the wrong boy and began having sex.  This boy was not a good choice for her and she took on his "dark" ways and attitudes and really began to change.  He wasn't interested in music, which she loved, and she began to let her passion fall by the way to be with him and do the things that interested him.

She had played a few gigs in town that paid her $150 for 4 hr gig and allowed her to sell her demo, Tshirt and take tips.  I had told her that the way the business worked that the $150 had to go into the business account, but that she could have the tip money.  Any other manager would have done it the exact same way.  She got paid out of the business, which had to turn a profit somewhere.  She lacked for nothing.  All the clothes, hairstyles, makeup, spending money, etc was provided by the business.  But then she starts taking the attitude that I took her money!!!  Wait one minute.  I spent all my money and provided all her needs.  I didn't have an endless resource of my own.  There was a limit and one day it all ran out.

She still hasn't signed the contract, which is ok if she has changed her mind.  She can be anything she wants in life and I will still back her in her choice (althought not financially since I'm depleted there).  But she has continued with the drugs and the dramas has still not gotten a HS diploma or GED and not applied for school.  She takes menial jobs ringing up groceries for a few months and then quits.

The thing that hurts me the most is the fact that she has told everyone that I am also a wicked stage mom.  I am not.  I supported and put my only funds to help her because she wanted it.  I did open the business......small management business for her only, because she needed that and we couldn't afford to get anyone else at the time.  I did feel responsible to watch after her decisions and talk with the producers, etc, because the music industry is absolutely one of the most "cut throat" businesses there is.  The contracts need specialized entertainment attorneys to read them or out of your excitement and naivete a kid or adult for that matter can get royally screwed by this industry.  And there are drugs and sexual exploitation of these kids within the industry.......what loving mother would toss her young gullible kid into shark infested waters like that alone?   Would Joe Simpson?   Would Sharon Osborne?  I think not.  And, these 2 parents are also managers to their kids.......even still, and Sharon for Ozzy.  There is nothing wrong with keeping things in the family if everyone can keep a level head and not fall into ugly accusatory emotions and not be mature about the "business".......and everyone in that business will tell you thats what it is about.........$$$$.  Nothing more.  We were told that straight out.

My daughter now says that I caused her to quit school, led her to take drugs, ruined her chances with her music, took her $2000 savings bond that she contributed to the trip, and also took and spent all the money she made on the few local gigs......which were maybe half dozen or so.  Someone please tell me where do this selfish, unappreciative, bratty people get off? 

Sure, I'm not a perfect mother, just like every other mother out there.  But, I did the best I could, and did it alone with no help.  I made the best decisions I knew how and what I didn't know about I tried to get myself educated about......read up and learned about it, so I knew what we were dealing with.  I never aspired to be a "stage mom" or a manager.  I only wanted to be a mother, from the time I was a child.  And, how do these people......these kids of ours get off on blaming us for every little thing that doesn't go their way and hate us forever?   Since when were they PERFECT kids?  Some of them have done horribly hurtful things towards their parents.......mean and hateful things and they somehow feel entitled to do that.  Excuse me???

Dr. Phil I think you should do this show over again and have a more balanced panel on.  Bring some other young artists and parents in.  Bring in Jessica and Ashley Simpson and their father, Joe.  Have Sharon Osborne and Kelly on and then bring in a music label and get a more balanced show going.  And these kids.......they got no clue the worry and investment and high hopes and dreams their parents hold for them and their future.  No mother or father wants to see their kids eaten alive by sharks with big teeth in an industry with no morals or ethics.  Bring Toni Braxton on and ask her what happened with her music and contracts.  That would be more balanced.

I think that Megan and my daughter and many others like them owe a huge apology to their parents.  How dare they blame and accuse the ones that love and provide for them and give their ALL for them to have a good and fulfilled life.   Tracy, I applaud you hon.  I know exactly what you are going through and I do agree that the other woman "friend" should be criminally charged for leading your daughter into drugs and sex.  You took responsibility for Megan when you set the boundaries.  This woman admitted the girl is NOT her responsibility, but I think the law says differently of any adult that allows a minor to use in their presence and does nothing to stop it......actually condones it.

Ok, I said my piece.  In a way I am very glad that my daughter didn't sign that contract.  In her state of mind and with her current behavior, I might have been watching her self destruct in public the same way Lynne Spears is observing Brittney, and can do nothing to help her.

Lyn G.