Replies to '10/11 Munchausen Mom'

I am so sorry for you to have gone through this..what a great description "twilight zone".  Have you thought of seeing an attorney who can legally set someone as your proxy should anything ever happen to you as you have stated that you fear?  God forbid anything will ever happen like that but putting it into a legal health care document would surely put your mind at ease.  Best Wishes.

I am 27 years old and also a survivor of MSBP.  My mother denies she ever did anything wrong.  She will deny it forever.  I actually do have an illness but she made it much, much worse to the point where I was on what she likes to call "my death bed".  My medical charts show that she repeatedly refused giving me the necessary medications that would have saved me a lot of pain.  I was given VERY clear warnings by her not to tell the doctors (or my father) that I wasn't taking those meds.  She is a master manipulator.  She is a pathological liar.  She knew all the medical terminology.  She had the doctors wrapped around her little finger.  She wouldn't leave me alone for a minute.  I spent so much time in hospitals... My medical charts are about 2 feet high.  She was the poor grieving mom of a sick kid and everyone pitied her. 

 

DOBIKINZ:  I would also like to find some kind of group for survivors.  If you want to message me, do not hesitate to do so.   For me, the worst part about all this is that I TRUSTED my mother so much....... I'm trying very hard to deal with the abuse (I suffer from PTSD because of this).  I still fear that she will "get me" somehow, too.  Believe me, I understand all too well.   

GOD BLESS YOU and 'SIS" IN SURVIVING, and speaking out about MSBP!

   And, for famiIly to suggest that you supress what happened is aweful.  I surely  understand  your concern for your future care if necessary.  Just  Make Sure you have it Written in a 'living will' to exempt your mother of your care!  Take care, and  LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH.......... 

I have only recently discovered from my Father that my mother was actually diagnosed with MSBP by a state therapist. Unfourtuanatly nothing was done at that time. My Father didn't understand really what the disease was. He admitted to me when he was informing me of this he didn't really want to believe it. Why wouldn't/shouldn't he believe his wife when he came home from work and she tells him the kids are sick.

Even as a child I thought it was funny that if I really was sick and I said anything, I was yelled at punished and beaten. But I was always being dragged to the doctors to be "made better". When the Doctors would ask me a question I would look at my mom and she would shake her head. I would follow what she said and tell the Doctor accordingly. We had Social Services in our home on several occasions looking for abuse. Both my parents had schooled us kids on what to say. The same if the Doctors asked to talk to me alone. My parents threatened me. They said I would be taken from the home and away from my three siblings.

They always made sure to tell us how lucky we were that we had such loving parents. I believed them. I had nothing else to go off of. My mother told my father I had learning disabilities. That all of us children had learning disabilities so she was forced to homeschool us. She was always taking us to the library. I hated going there because I figured out that when we went to the library we were going to be taken to the doctors again. She was always keeeping up on all the new diseases insiting we had them.

I hated and loved going to the doctors. I can readily believe that MSBP would be passed on to the next generation because that was the ONLY time my mother showed me and any of us kids any warmth. She would pat our hands and talk to us and tell us how wonderful we were and how brave we were being while the Doctors painfully poked and prodded us, trying to figure out what was wrong with us.

My mother would always tell me she had to take us to the doctors because we were bad. We children shouldn't be bad because she was a good mother. So therefore we were obviously sick. She honestly believed then and now that everything she did was for our benefit.

The reason she got diagnosed by the state worker was because once again charges of abuse had been brought up and we kids were sent to a state hospital and both my parents were assesed by the state. But there wasn't enough proof. We kids didn't say anything. I still regret to this day for keeping my mouth shut. But after this time having apparently been confronted by the state worker she changed her tactics. I was 12. Now instead of going to Doctors in offices we started being taken to people in alternative medicine. I swear she somehow found the most insane people out there to try and cure us with their most severe methods.

Once I remember she convinced a "medicine man" that I was possesed with an evil spirit. I remember being told to get completly undressed and lay face down on the floor. My bottom and part of my back was covered by a sheet. I am not sure what he did. But I remember pain, I remember me screaming and thrashing so much I had to be held down. I remember my mother in front of me, pulling and holding my arms out straight in front of me. I was screaming begging her to make it stop I swore I would be good I would do anything to be good, just make it stop. I remember the look on her face. It looked like a porcelain doll. Just an empty smile painted on. Luckily at some point I passed out.

Please be careful. If you are going to accuse someone with this disorder make sure you are willing to go all the way. No one should have to go through what I went through. My mother might have escalated her abuse on her own or maybe it was because she was confronted that she felt the need to change her tactics to meet her needs. All I know is about the same time she had been confronted was the same time she turned to alternative medicine.

When I confronted her she said my Father was lying. Also I asked her if she could ever remember what I did that made me bad. She couldn't remember one thing. She just said I was. I don't remember breaking any rules ever. I was too scared to! The scariest part is she is now remarried to a person who does foster care. She still has contact with children. Children who have REAL problems. She still has my baby sister.

Please, I am still struggling to understand what happened. I have only discovered that my mother was diagnosed MSBP a few months ago. I would really love to talk to anyone else who has survived. I need to know it can and will be okay.

I am also a survivor with a mother in denial. There is one yahoo group with other people that are very supportive. Just type in muchausen by proxy in the group search box. Everyone is nice there, but as you can imagine we all have differing amounts of healing that has been done. There is also another board at www.ashermeadow.com, but it is larger and is sometimes attended by those "falsely accused" of MSBP. I found it difficult to deal with these people so I generally prefered the smaller yahoo group.

All the best to you and your sister. Remember you did nothing wrong and your mother is responsible. It is great that you and your sister have each other and I respect you for not selling out your own memory for the comfort of other family members.