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Replies to 'Infidelity'
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October 27, 2007, 7:48 pm PDT
 Quote From: ritehere Over the course of your 11 year marriage you say your husband has left you "more times than you can count." He has also been active with inappropriate chatting and porn on the internet. 2 years ago you "caught him attempting to cheat with a woman." He has always lied to you. You say that you hate to tear up your daughter's world, but you can only "play pretend for so long." You say that after his stunt 2 years ago you are not so quick to forgive but you have religious beliefs that make you want to hold on. You ask where do you stand with God, what about unconditional love vs self respect? This is what I'm wondering: has all of this taken on urgency now that your husband has had a stroke? Your last question is a valid one and one that you should have been asking the second or third time your husband left you because he couldn't deal with whatever argument you were having. Where is your self respect? And where was your self respect when you found porn and the other things on the computer? You say you are not quick to forgive, but what did you do about these immature and selfish things your husband was doing? And last, if he is leaving you all the time and cheating on you, what kind of role model is he for your daughter? What are YOU teaching her? That it's OK for men to treat women this way? I'm sorry, I know you have your plate full at the moment, and his cheating is not your fault. What is your fault is letting him get away with it all these years. Letting him strip away your self respect and dignity to the point that now that he is in a health crisis you have no pity for him and are considering leaving him. I guess he must have had some redeeming quality before, that kept you around even though he did the things he did. What has changed now that he has had a stroke? You have "played pretend" for 11 years, what is different now? Unfortunately I didn't find these things again until a few weeks after he had the stroke and I got on his computer. So here I was nursing this person, being a good wife and human being and pretty much just getting crapped on. Sorry to be so blunt but I see no other way to put it.....In fact I HAVE pity for him is the problem vs NO pity if you read what I wrote....If he was not sick I would have left and gone to take care of my mother where I know I would be appreciated. His being sick is a great part of why I am here. I will say that monetary reasons are also a huge part of things and even when he was gone he always left a majority of the money to pay the bills and I will go as far as to say relieve some of his guilt. He wrote me a letter a few weeks ago and basically acknowledged that he knows he has a problem and has for years. Dishonesty has been a way of life apparently for a large portion of his adulthood and has torn up past relationships as well as this one. I have turned into an extremely tolerant person as I have aged and have been living my life for my children who are now all nearly grown. Maybe it isn't much in the way of self respect but keep in mind that this is my third marriage, I am a person of deep commitment and also have religious views now that I didn't hold several years ago. On the other hand I have the harsh slap of reality telling me that the minute he is better his behavior will repeat.
My family knows very little. "Our" daughter just happens to be the youngest of six and we have one more child left at home. (yours mine and ours.....) I hide so much inside and put on a happy face. No one at church knows and very little people outside of my closest circle of friends know.
Do I love this man? Absolutely with all my heart. I know he hates the messes he has created but it is like he is an addict of some sort who doesn't know how to handle his issues and I am a person who feels like they are treading water to help everyone else stay afloat. |
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