Replies to '06/06 Suing for Love'

I agree with you to an extent. Holding on to Anger truly does only hurt yourself more than anything. However, these people are not just "dating" and having affairs.. these people are Married. That is a huge difference. I can understand both sides of the story. I was a victim of an affair.. and we have saved our marriage. The other woman was someone who I considered at the time to be my very best friend. In my instance, if my marriage had not survived the affair, I had made specific plans to sue.  This is only in my case because of the things my husband was told to persuade him into the affair. He is a grown up and has taken full responsibility for his actions, and we are both guilty of not communicating, but he was being told lies about my affairs and believed them. She knew we were married, had both of us confiding in her because she was my friend after all and used it against both of us. 

I have forgiven her and my husband. We are not the friends that we used to be, but we communicate briefly from time to time. We are all about moving on and growing from what we learned. It took a lot of work to save my marriage and my sanity, much less my "friendship". It still gets hard at times and I doubt very seriously that we can ever be back where we were before or even if we would want to go back to that.. We are just taking it one day at a time and going from there. My hubby and the other woman have absolutely no contact at all -- still to this day.. and they both know if that trust is broken, then there is no way to repair any of it. Its still hard and the affair occurred over a year between February 2004 and March of 2005.

I wish I had this advice in front of me after my last breakup.  I was devastated and seriously thought of suing him, as hitting him in his pocket would have really, really pissed him off.  I thought of keying his car; running over him if I saw him on the street (thank God I never saw him on the street).  All of these were healthy fantasies to help w/the grieving/healing process.  If I had acted on these fantasies it would have been unhealthy and I would have ended up in jail therefore prolonging my grief and letting him ruin my life.  Instead, I got a second job and cried on the way home.  I was grieving.   It is very difficult to think clearly and rationally after a devastating, blind-sided breakup.  You have to muster all the strength you have to get through it.  YOU are the only one that can do it.  But I do now know that I wasted way too much time on grieving for someone who didn't love me and could break my heart w/out giving it a second thought.  You've got to go thru it... eveyone must.  It hurts like hell... but don't do anything until you have let some time pass... as you don't want to do something you may regret and also it keeps him fresh in front of your mind when that is the last place he/she should be.  Keep busy.. very busy... and take the time to grieve before you get involved with anyone else b/c that will be a disaster if you don't.  Dating is a way to find out if you want to be with that person for the rest of your life.... but it still doesn't help knowing this when you are still trying to figure it out and they have decided to move on.  Oh the pain!!!