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Replies to 'Depression'
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October 7, 2005, 7:28 am PDT
 Quote From: jtfjmjr started 5 years ago when my 4 mo old baby died of SIDS. Everyone keeps saying "let it go" how do I just "let it go?" I have people ask me how many children I have and get funny lookes when I say 7. They ask me how I can say that when there are only 6 of my kids present. When I tell them that I had one pass away, they give me funny looks, or flat out tell me that I shouldn't count the one that died. WHY??? He lived, I gave birth to him! I felt him grow and watched my body swell with him. I went through labor and cut his cor and heard him cry! Why should I not count him? I have my days where I almost feel like I have a grip, only to turn around and lose it again. He'd be going to Kindergarden this year. I should be getting all the kindergarden stuff that he does, instead I visit a grave. Every year I say to myself that I'm going to be better, instead I seem to get worse. I have thought about suicide. I don't think I could ever actually do it, but I have thought about it. I have talked to my Dr. and he thinks I need to see a psychologist, but I don't have time. I have 4 kids still living at home. Hubby thinks that I should basically ignore it, get my mind more off it by running after the kids. That's not saying that I don't take care of my kids, but I have days where I honestly can't get out of bed. The emotional pain gets so bad it physically hurts. I know he's still dealing with it in his own way, but he's doing a heck of a lot better than I am. I know that there are people out there worse off than I am. I know that there are people that need more help than I do. How do I kick this so I can go on, and not be a burden anymore? Anyway thanks for letting me vent. I said way more than I intended to. I am really sorry to hear about your son. I have never lost a child in anyway, so I will not say I know how you feel. I could only imagine how difficult it must be for you. I have a friend that lost a child to SIDS and then 5 years late lost a son in a drowning. It was very devastating and they wondered why all that happened, were they not good parents? That is the question they would ask themselves, the father was very suicidal. They decided to have another child, a lovely girl. They cherish her very much! You said that the Doc suggested a psychologist, but you don't have time for that. Hmm...I would think that the kids you have would really need their mother to be there for them in the years to come. Maybe you could find an hour a week where you could do something for yourself, so that you could be the best mom ever to your kids. They really need you, and would want you around for a long time. My husband lost a wife in childbirth and those 5 kids she left behind have missed her greatly, changed their whole life. Like it would if you weren't around to be there for you kids, you mentioned that you have felt suicidal, but were too scared to do anything. How bad does it have to get before you can get some help for you. Your husband is wrong to tell you to just forget it! I don't think that would be possible. Going on with your life won't make you a bad person, it won't mean that you have forgotten this precious baby. It just means that you know you have to take care of the ones you have. I wish you the best and hope that you can find some peace because you deserve that, many hugs!!
mj |
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October 7, 2005, 10:03 am PDT
Quote From: jtfjmjr started 5 years ago when my 4 mo old baby died of SIDS. Everyone keeps saying "let it go" how do I just "let it go?" I have people ask me how many children I have and get funny lookes when I say 7. They ask me how I can say that when there are only 6 of my kids present. When I tell them that I had one pass away, they give me funny looks, or flat out tell me that I shouldn't count the one that died. WHY??? He lived, I gave birth to him! I felt him grow and watched my body swell with him. I went through labor and cut his cor and heard him cry! Why should I not count him? I have my days where I almost feel like I have a grip, only to turn around and lose it again. He'd be going to Kindergarden this year. I should be getting all the kindergarden stuff that he does, instead I visit a grave. Every year I say to myself that I'm going to be better, instead I seem to get worse. I have thought about suicide. I don't think I could ever actually do it, but I have thought about it. I have talked to my Dr. and he thinks I need to see a psychologist, but I don't have time. I have 4 kids still living at home. Hubby thinks that I should basically ignore it, get my mind more off it by running after the kids. That's not saying that I don't take care of my kids, but I have days where I honestly can't get out of bed. The emotional pain gets so bad it physically hurts. I know he's still dealing with it in his own way, but he's doing a heck of a lot better than I am. I know that there are people out there worse off than I am. I know that there are people that need more help than I do. How do I kick this so I can go on, and not be a burden anymore? Anyway thanks for letting me vent. I said way more than I intended to. I just noticed your post and I wanted to first I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I know that it probaly offers little comfort. You should not think of yourself as a burden and what you're going through is just as important as what anyone else might be going through. I could not even imagine being in your shoes and I'm not sure that it is anything you just get over. I also believe that you are correct in counting your son with the rest of children. Do not feel guilty for being at the place you are. There is not set time for grieving. People heal and deal with things in their own time. Although, I do think if you found a grief counselor then you might be able to cope a little better being able to talk to someone who is objective and would never tell you to just get over it. I definitely hope that you don't act on your thoughts of suicide because your other children need you of course and you deserve to live as well. I will keep you in my prayers that this gets easier for you. |
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