Replies to '03/20 Policing the Parents'

Quote From: italianang

my dad died when I was 17, I knew my mom drank but he kept a lot of the severe results from happening so they mainly had fights because of course drunken people are impossible to deal with..........until he passed, then I discovered what he was living with and had kept from me as much as he could.
Now I live with it and my mom is 73, some very scary falls which almost killed her but she still drinks and mixes with meds, her dr knows yet keeps giving her the drugs since she probably cannot stop them now, they are benzos and anti depressants given to her 20 years ago after my dad passed and she is still on them, drinking and falling more than ever............it has actually delayed my life and my ability to have one.
I think parents who do tihs are selfish and my mom is very much so, more than ever, in many ways.
It is sad that they dont care the impact and horror they put us children through, and I am now 36 yrs old with a guy I have been with for 17 yrs who stuck by me living in this house of horror, but we are not married and because of the high maintenance of my mom our lives end up second many times.
I now hear things at night sometime it is not even her and sometimes its nothing - just me hearing things from years of it, not sure if she fell, not sure if she is dead, we are in the same home but I am now in a suite above her and in one way its better cuz i hear less but sometimes she will call me to go pick her up when she is not so far gone and can still dial........but I may find her bloody, defacted all over herself and the house, have put out my back lifting her and when i call for help like an abulance to make sure she is not hurt, she verbally and emotionallhy abuses me. I have been to everyone seeking help and I mainly try not to go help her as they say to leave them but sometimes its hard if she calls me or if she is really screaming...............this post could be many pages but lets just say it is angering that people have kids and them put them through this. If only we could commit them like in the old days!
Like Dr. Phil says, this kind of thing changes who you are, who you grow up to be............the only bonus is I DO NOT DRINK and do not get drunk and probably won't, luckily rather than follow her path I avoid that path, that is the only good result but it was not always that way, I started down her path after my dad died but not for long before I woke up. I do not want kids, probably becasue of what I grew up seeing.

It sucks to always be afraid of finding her dead from a fall. When she gets sloshed, she is so out of it that it is like watching a severe herion addict, who cannot talk, walk and who pees themselves. I have to live with this for the rest of my life and live with the after effects - like how I awake for too easily because of living with this fear and also when i was young my mom and dad fought daily, nightly, violently, and it was mostly because of her. I know it is a disease and I know her med make her crave booze and I know she is an addictive personality............I know she has a side here but with all the help we have tried, intervention, even the hospital got involved aftera huge fall, sent her social workers etc but then the govt stopped the program she was in, it was a senior well aware program.............so the last option is detox which she woudl have to do willingly - never gonna happen since she still denies drinking even after being found many times with high blood alcohol during incidents where ambulance got involved. And if she did go willlingly it will cost us an entry of 7 grand.............we are paying a mortgage and debts, we would have to get into more debt. My mom mortgaged the house continuously after my dad passed away, this house was paid............now we have to pay a mortgage and live on minimal means due to her spending.
She is also a hoarder. I sure wish someone could really help her so we could finally get some peace but as I have been told numerous times by our govt and other arenas.............if she wants to drink herself to an early grave we cannot do a thing about it.
WE took all her booze, she buys more and gets angry at us to. It is too late for her I guess, since after 10 years of pursuit of help all i could get was self council, great so I can deal with it from help from council but how about trying to save my moms life while she still has one? I am told, to let go of what I cannot control..............well living and watching and doing nothing is very hard. She is bruised daily..........
Linda