Replies to '03/20 Policing the Parents'

I am just in the process of watching the show, but my immediate feelings and emotions are anger toward the mother....what the hell is wrong with her...I lived in an alcoholic home and my mother was weak and pathetic just like the mother in this show.  I have no tolerance nor respect for that sort of person...she is just as pathetic as her drunken husband.  I mean really what the hell is she trying to prove.  I have no sympathy for her what so ever...she should lose custody of the girls .... they need someone that is willing to stand up for them, care for them and put their best interest first.  I am now listening to the mother talk and I am so furious!  She is a poor excuse for a mother and I will tell you one thing...the oldest daughter is never gonna recover from this if she does not get help.  This has tarnished her view of marriage and of any sort of relationship...I know cause that is what it has done to me....Dr Phil...please focus on helping the kids and let the parents fend for themselves...since that is all they care about to begin with.

 

 

I wish it were that simple.  I live with a raging alcoholic and can't for the life of me tell you why I'm still here.  My children are practically grown (2 in college and 1 a jr. in high school) and have lived in this situation for their entire life.  It didn't get bad until they were probably pre-teen to early teens and even then it was such a sneaky, insidious disease that you don't realize how bad it is.  I remember it being something horrible to say about my husband when my oldest child was 2.  That started to whole process of trying to fix the situation to accepting that he was an alcholic and still trying to fix it, to knowing that I can't change him or force him to stop.  It's a lot like an abused family in that the emotional abuse is heaped out in such outrageous amounts and then things level off and he stops.  What really happened was he drank enough to get past the mean stage but the peace is so welcome that to rock that boat is tantamount to touching a hot burner. So you wait for the other shoe to fall and it ALWAYS falls.  Meanwhile your children are witnessing a horrendous mess of a marriage and no matter how hard you jump in to protect them from the insanity, the insanity of it all wins.  If I could do it all over again I would have gotten out 15 years ago.  That being said I feel like my leg is anchored to the floor and I can't get away.  I'm a smart, well-educated woman who intelligiently knows I need to leave but can't figure out why I can't.  I don't believe there's love between us anymore.I don't enable, other than not leaving ,and I end up touching that hot burner over and over.

 

The woman on the program worked for a substance abuse group. Maybe she did that to try and figure out her own situation. I beleive I do. As for the teachers and counselors at school.  I work, believe it or not ,with the behavior kids at a middle school.  I see kids in this same situation and can relate to their plight.  I cannot legally suggest to a parent to get out or take steps unless there is direct signs of neglect or physical abuse or they tell us they're being abused.  My kids showed no outward signs of what was going on in our home. Emotional ,devastating abuse doesn't show physical marks.  Kids in our program are in there not because of enviromental (home) issues.  As a school employee our hands are tied to help kids who are not neglected physically or physically abused.  My children fit this profile to a tee.  I had one who's grades dropped dramatically and he started being disruptive in class.  He was more the class clown and quite popular but occassionally his anger played into it.  When I met with the teachers, they were shocked to learn of his homelife and practically called me a liar.  They said he was always so happy at school and had lots of friends.  They dismissed my explanation for what was happening.  Can I blame them?  No because unless you've lived in the middle of this horrible disease that is often hidden from public view you can;t possibly understand the hidden bruises.  I believe he was happy at school because he wasn't at home.  That is the most devastating statement to me. Yet I can't get out. Not that simple.  Wish I caould figure out the answer.

Dr. Phil DID offer therapy to the daughters and to his wife, which they were very graeful to accept. It was at the very end of the show.

With respect to rehab~ it's the only chance this poor soul has at a chance of getting sober and learning to live sober.