Replies to '07/04 Body Dysmorphia'

I have the same feelings as you. I live in Oklahoma, where Robin's sister lives and I feel so superficial when I think of her. She was very disfigured by having acid thrown on her face while driving under an overpass. Dr Phil has had her on her program and she was very inspirational. But then I feel like a failure and so shallow because I can't apply that to myself.

It is such a relief, in a way, to know that there are others like me. I never was completely happy with my looks but I was considered atractive when I was younger- cheerful, girl-next-door looks. Seven years ago when we lost our farm and home we stopped being able to afford medical and dental care. I've lost my front teeth, my dimples disappeared and now there's a permanent frown no matter how hard I try. I'm about your age- 52.  I have an absolute phobia about looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't been to the hairdresser for the past 7 years because it would require me to sit and look at myself in the mirror, besides not being able to afford it. I almost never go out of my house anymore. I've stopped going to church because I'm too ashamed of how I look, even though I know God doesn't care. Are you like me- you've wanted to write Dr Phil but on the rare chance you might get picked, you know that there's not any way that you could appear on national TV. How horrible it would be to watch the videos of yourself! It makes me feel so shallow and superficial. I too am overweight about 50 pounds and I have the opposite problem of you- I get so hot when I exercise that I feel like I can't breathe. My eyelids droop so low now that I can hardly see and to me it looks like I have little pig eyes in a fat face. My intimacy with my husband really suffers- not because of him- he tries to tell me I'm beautiful to him- but then I imagine what my face looks like when we're making love and it makes me physically ill where I will have to vomit.

I look at old pictures of myself and wonder where I went. Do you feel like you just exist anymore and that's it? That's how I feel- I don't really have a death wish but I do feel like I'm slowly ceasing to exist and just waiting to die. I checked out Dr Phil's book "Self Matters" from the library and I think that it could help but for some reason I'm having a hard time getting through it. I really hope this program give us some concrete ways to help ourselves.

I can be your friend online if you like. Maybe we can all form a support group and learn to help ourselves. I am lucky that I have a very supportive and loving family but I don't really tell any of them how bad I feel and how much I hate my looks. I'm very close to my two grown daughters and I know they are getting worried about me because I never leave home anymore- I just tell them I'm a homebody. My daughters are very beautiful- I feel like the old brood mare that the breeder states "This old mare isn't much to look at but her offspring are very nice."  I am sick of my self-pity- another thing that  makes me dislike myself.

I am thinking and praying for you- really everybody on this board.

So much of you letter right down to your  husband describes my life. I also suffer from Fibro. I have also your dream of plastic surgery. Feeling the way I do about myself has ruined my whole life.I am also 53, unlike you, I never finished high school, I have no job, unless I go shopping for food...in the next town, i do not go out. I have no friends, I know people because of having a 16 year old son. But no one ...besides my mother calls me or knows how I feel.  I am 70 lbs overweight, I feel I am ugly, I call myself a fat slob, I started feeling this way when I entered high school,I right away had many guys asking me out, many telling me how pretty and  I was. There was a that dident like me much I remember her  saying to me that I llooked  like something out of a comic book,I remember that night my boyfriend wanted to get to the movies early to watch the cartoons before the movie, I did everything to make us late, I felt that if he watched the cartoons, he would realize that I resembled  them. I remember my Dad telling me at 15 ,that guys will tell you anything to get you to go to bed with them, he said "they will tell you how pretty you are". I have NEVER believed ANYONE when told that I was pretty. I feel ugly. I would like to change, my fantasy is to feel confedent. have a job, and not care what the mirror says. When I look in the mirror I see a deformed person, I dont want to be beautiful, I just want to fit in, I have two beautiful sisters, they both have careers and social lifes that I wish I had, but dont.  If you would like to  be friends  &talk...Joanne63314@yahoo

Sorry you feel this way about yourself and your life.  Life is too short to dislike yourself so much. 

 

I am ugly, fat,  wear glasses & not too smart.  People make their snide remarks.  Well, all I can say to them is oh well you don't like me??  BYE.  If I accept their negatives, they win.  When I walk away I am the better person.  Why make them the victor when you know what they are saying is unture.  So why do you accept these words that you say to yourself?  List your positives... you have a college degree!, your a nurse and a mom.

 

What upset me is your moving away from your negative forces.  It seems like 51% of the negative force is yourself.  How do you get away from yourself?  I have friends but they're "of size."  When we all get together we look like tele tubbies, however we enjoy our selves. My one friend plays the guitar so we sing.  We read a book and share thoughts.

 

My DBSA (depression group -- look up Mood Garden) has picnics, get togethers, outings and the people  are supportive.  Maybe if you find people with the same interests you have, you will feel better.  Twelve-steps like OA and CoDA.  Get a sponsor and share how you're feeling.

 

I will be praying for you.  Dr. Phil, maybe you can teach us some smart remarks to say to mean people that tease us or make us feel inappropriate; LOL, I'd like to change what they acknowledge right in the kisser... but that wouldn't be right.

 

Pearlhanna

I really do feel for you but you need to forget yourself and get a life.  Your description is all about you and your "issues".  Trust me - truthful comment based on your words above - people avoid you because I strongly believe that when you come into contact with someone - it becomes all about you. ... including your husband.

 

I mean - do you get subsidized or something?  Don't you have to make your own way in the world?  "Ugly (whatever that is) "people are everywhere and mingling in society.  Who has time to contemplate this anyway?  If you truly believe you are one of them... who cares?  Mix in .... no one notices, anyway, and you may just establish a life that has some meaning besides what is going on with your looks..wear a mask. laugh anyway ... be ugly .... believe it's all in YOUR MIND anyway.... who cares.  You are a good person.

 

Well meaning. You clearly have too much time to think and not enough making a living stress in your life.