Quote From: needhelpasapI have been married to my husband for 14 yrs. and have two young children. He was an alcoholic and was verbally abusive. My entire world revolved around him and the kids. I haven't worked outside of the home for 11 years. I barely have any friends...to the outside world, my life is perfect. I've threatened to leave him many times and never did go through with it. 3 1/2 years ago, I cheated on him with someone we casually knew. It was a one night stand and I didn't feel good about what I did. He suspected that I had cheated but I denied it, fearing that I would lose my children in an ugly divorce. One year ago he quit drinking because he finally did hit me. Things between us seemed better than ever. Six months ago, I confessed what I had done because I felt the incredible guilt consuming me. Now we are at the brink of a divorce. He is uncertain whether or not he still wants to be with me. Although I want to stay and make it work because I do love him and the kids, I myself is torn. Is my staying really good for the both of us? We argue over the past and decided that we need a marriage councelor. I just don't know. I have not cheated on him since and will not. It was truly out of my character, and I absolutely have been making the right steps toward earning his trust. He is still very angry and hurt.
I definately think that marriage counseling is a good idea regardless of the outcome of your marriage. You two need to get your hurt and anger out in the open in a controlled environment such as a therapists office.
Many couples need direction as they can't fix the issues that are destroying their marriage. If you should both decide that this marriage is not salvageable then at least a therapist can help you two co-parent the children and help you through a divorce.
Living with an alcoholic all those years is more than most of us can handle. This disease ruins lives and families. You have to work on forgiving yourself as well as him as I'm sure you are holding alot of resentments towards him. He needs to forgive himself for ruining your marriage and the emotional and physial abuse he made you endure. Sounds easy but we all know it is not.
If you two can ever get on the same page and forgive yourselves and eachother for the past you could have an incredible marriage. I hope that the both of you are in AA and AlAnon as well.
Make an appt. with a therapist and agree not to argue about the past. Fighting will get you no where at this point both of you are too upset, angry, hurt and confused to make any headway or decisions. Most therapist will recommend a year in therapy before any final decision should be made.
