Replies to '07/04 Body Dysmorphia'

First, let me say how sorry I am about your father. My mother died from a malignant brain tumor in 2001. My prayers are with you and your family.

You hit the nail on the head with "spoiled brat". And a lot of that comes from those ridiculous beauty pageants that some mothers put their daughters in from the time they are a baby. They are taught that looks is all that matters. The mothers get mad if someone else's daughter is perceived as being better looking and the daughter absorbs that as a value system. It doesn't matter what is between their ears on the inside but what they present to the world on the outside. They wear ridiculous makeup when they should be concerned with nothing more important than what dress will Barbie wear on her next adventure. Some girls are cuter when they are young. As they grow, things change. Not as much attention is being paid to them. The mirror was always their friend and now it is the enemy.

The movie and modeling business puts an unattainable level of size and looks as the expected norm. Most of these people look like freaks. Pre-teen and teenage girls will not listen when they are told the pictures are air-brushed to achieve the pictures in the magazines and movies. They just think they need to be a size 6 or less and look like any one of the airheads they see on the movie screen.

A lot of this BDD could be prevented if that pageant fiasco was barred for girls younger than 18 or 20. If there is some college tuition money to be won, then they could benefit from that. And by this age, if their mothers have taken the time to help them, they have developed a realistic view of themselves on the outside and hopefully  they have carefully developed the inside.

First I would like to say that I am very sorry to hear about your father.  I too have been faces with family tragedy in my life (as many of us have) and know the worries you speak of and how they have consumed your thoughts.

Second, I am very sad that someone going through this type of worry would have such little compassion for those in a perhaps not equal struggle, but a struggle none-the-less.  This is a serious disorder that affects many people in the world.  I can promise you that those inflicted with this disorder would likely give up being the most beautiful person in the world if they could only be happy with who they are.  I also think that it takes an intelligent person to see when someone is really suffering and when someone is just acting.  Dr. Phil has proven his intelligence time and time again; I truly doubt he would have guests on knowing they were simply “spoiled brats” and not call them out on it.  He has touched on a very important topic here and I hope that everyone that reads your message knows that you are clearly taking out your own frustrations of the struggle you are enduring on poor Innocent people. 

I hope you find piece with your tragedy. 

I'm truly sorry about your dad. Your family will be in my prayers. But I think it's sad that you're being so judgmental. My dad had BDD before it even had a name! You really have no idea how tormenting this mental illness is. Our family lived with it for years. My dad LITERALLY couldn't HELP IT! Get a life? My dad would've LOVED to not have mental illnesses (which he had from age 19 until his death at 61 in 1990). He couldn't get treatment for BDD since no one knew what it was in the 1940s through 1980s. He went to a psychiatrist; he was clinically depressed, but she couldn't figure the rest of it out.

UNTIL you walk in someone else's shoes who either has this VERY REAL illness or live with someone who does, PLEASE don't judge. You come across as extremely judgmental & that's no way for ANY of us to be. I have chronic physical illnesses; I'll have to live with moderate to extreme pain every day of my life until I die, as well as daily profound fatigue (feeling wiped out---I'm in the process of trying to get disability; it's a LONG process!). It's like having the flu ALL the time, except my fevers aren't as high, but I have low-grade fevers every day, PLUS having so much pain throughout my body every day!

Still, I know there are others much worse off than I am. Again, I'm SO sorry to know that your dad has cancer. I hope you don't mind if I pray for him & your whole family. I sincerely hope & pray that there is a way somehow that the doctors can find a way to help him--if possible, that he might have a longer life & as good a quality of life as possible. I wish somehow he could be healed...that it would just go away. That must be SO tough!

Obviously, there are a wide range of medical problems---mentally & physically---that people experience. BDD IS real. And it doesn't just affect young women, not at all. I can see why you might think, due to your dad's cancer, that Dr. Phil might've been wasting air time. (Personally,  I thought the show about Britany Spears was a waste of time---what does her problems have to do with any of the audience?? I don't understand why people are so obsessed with celebrities.)

Hang in there the best you can...& I hope you & your family get to spend as much time as possible with your dad. As another person who posted a reply to yours said, it sounds like "Tuesdays with Morrie" (about a man dying from Lou Gehrig's disease) might be a helpful book for you & your family at some point. Sending you & your family lots of prayers! Joy