Replies to 'Infidelity'

I am truly sorry you had to experience the pain of being cheated on. I understand your anger. When it comes to having an affair, I believe it is mostly driven by most peoples emotional needs. There are people who do it just out of spite - but for others I believe it is an emotional release.

I remember the OW in my affair rationalized her acts as "Sometimes, people do what, at the time, seems like the right thing to do." Sounds like a cop out? Maybe. I felt there was a closed door between me and my wife. What I have learned through therapy is my depression/OCD distorted my perception of the situation. While I am still working to get over my issues, I have to do a sanity check when I feel negative about something.  Mental illness is a real thing.  While I do not want to use it as a cruch, it does helps me understand myself better.

I speculate you would always look down on me and others who have cheated. Thats ok. I have forgiven myself.
 
Just like myself, you are a good person.You deserve quality relationships. You are a loving person.

I hope you find your peace,

Chris

 I know how easy it is to fall into the mind-set you seem to be getting into- thinking that all men are the same. Coming here and reading all the posts can seem to verify it too, until you are reminded of a couple of things.
1) Women are more apt to seek out support and sympathy from others, therefore you have more women posters than men. This makes it seem like more men cheat than women. What you have to keep in mind is that in order to cheat, there has to be two people. Unless your husband is gay, he is cheating with other women, so there you have it. Just as many women as men cheat. And I'm including single women that have sex with married men, they are cheaters too in my book. The only exception to this is if one of them is duped into thinking the other is single also. The moment they learn otherwise, though, they are cheaters too.
2) We don't celebrate the differences between men and women in our culture. I could go on and on about how our society does a disservice to both genders in the messages we send our children, but I won't. I don't advocate going back to a male-dominated society, but neither do I agree with giving our young children the idea that girls can do anything boys can do, and vice versa. The average woman cannot compete with the average man when it comes to body strength, and the average male cannot compete with the average woman when it comes to the willing attitude of empathy and nurturing. We can and do compete on many levels, but the genders are NOT interchangeable. When we recognize and embrace the differences that helped our species to flourish we understand and value our partners, and don't automatically conclude that they should know what our experience of the world is. We become more willing to understand them.
I suspect that your husband (or is it your ex now, I forget) has a deep-seated belief in the superiority of men, and that it is his "right" to be promiscuous. That's why he would not change. In order to change the behavior he has to believe that what he is doing is wrong, or at least not working to make him happy in the long term.