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November 1, 2007, 2:13 pm PDT
Husband/daughter relationship
Quote From: jrm1127I recently have gotten remarried, and have a 17 year old daughter. I have been with my new husband for 3 years. The problem is the relationship between my daughter and my husband. I think it has been destroyed. They each have no respect for the other. There has been lots of angry words said. My husband thinks all children should respect adults and do as told. My daughter I admit is "spoiled". She ignores him when he says hi or how was your day or asks her to do some chore. She goes to her room and won't come out when is around. They have gotten into an argument and he backed her into a corner screaming at her, she lashed out and hit him. I got inbetween them to stop the argument. and told him he was never to do this again or he had to leave. Unfortunately if did happen again and I asked him to leave. Now she is afraid of him and tells me she hates him and wants him out of her life. I do not know what to do. I am at wits end. Please help! Has their relationship always been strained? You’ve been married for three years, but I’m curious to know how long you were together before getting married. Her age at the time you began this relationship with your now-husband could explain part of the reason for the way she responds to him. (Just a small part!) If she was 12, 13, or 14-ish and this man came into her life, demanding respect, she is going to resist his demand with all of her might. That attitude will be carried from year to year, as it has.
Is your husband against the idea of asking her to do things in a positive way? For example, instead of saying, “The dishes have to be done by 5:00 or else!” perhaps he could try, “I was thinking that your mom would be happy if she came home to a clean home, would you help me out by doing the dishes?” Is that something that your husband is willing to try, or is he 100% stuck in the “kids respect adults, period!” mode?
My advice to you is to seek family therapy ASAP. Your daughter is important to you, as is your husband; a professional can guide you towards happiness. You all deserve happiness! I wish you the best!
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