Like you said, most future Brides want to start out a new marriage on the right foot with their future In-Laws, especially those they've never met. Because of a guilty conscience; however, my only Child, his Financee and her Mom conspired to deliberately deprive me and my Ex from knowing they had met, that they were engaged, and from attending their wedding; then exacted revenge against us because we did not attend their wedding (through no fault of my own)!
When I found out my Son was getting married the 2nd time, I was totally disabled, flat on my back in bed after suffering 3 failed spinal surgeries due to a permanent injury caused me by my abusive Ex. I had explained to my Son my surgeon said I wasn't allowed to travel further than a 50 mile radius from our cattle ranch--the same distance I traveled one-way to his offices--and my Son indicated to me they would marry someplace within that distance I could travel. Consequently, I was thrilled about my Son's wedding, as I had hoped he'd remarry sometime after his Divorce. I ordered a beautiful, expensive long evening gown, evening shoes, and evening purse from a JC Penney catalog.
After the date had already passed for me to be able to return those items, I got a call from my Son and his future Wife, announcing they were instead getting married at a wedding chapel she'd chosen, hundreds of miles away from our cattle ranch, in the NE part of our State. She deliberately chose a chapel seating 100+ people, despite knowing ahead of time neither of them had any family or friends living in that area, and neither family had any relatives or friends living anywhere near that area! My Son's controlling Fiancee and controlling future Mother-In-Law--both of whom we'd never laid eyes on--threw an absolute "hissy fit", absolutely refusing to compromise by finding a place closer to where we lived to marry so I could also attend my only Son's wedding, like her Mom, Dad, and Stepmom would all be able to do. My Son stupidly backed down and allowed his controlling Fiancee and her Mom have their way instead of insisting it would be impossible for his own disabled Mom (already in horrific pain 24 hrs./day, 7 days/wk. from 3 back surgeries within only a year), to travel hundreds of miles, one way, to their wedding. I'd explained to my Son my surgeon ordered I had to remain flat on my back in bed, so it could properly heal, except when I was traveling back and forth to doctor appointments. My Ex had calculated the mileage and discovered there would have only been a 50 mile difference for my Son's Fiancee's family to travel, had they married anyplace of their own choosing within a 50 mile radius of our cattle ranch. However, his Fiancee claimed she couldn't get her money back if she cancelled, even though she'd deliberately chosen that place only after my Son already told me they would get married closer to where we lived so I could attend! Had we known then what we discovered later about them already shacking up for a full year in advance of their wedding, we would have preferred they'd instead immediately married in FL, the place they met, or in AL, where her family and friends lived!
I begged my Ex and his Mom to attend their wedding in my absence because I knew if this girl and her Mom had this much power over my Son before they married, they would one day try to destroy a once loving relationship I'd enjoyed with my Son in the past. My Ex and his Mom were so furious my Son and his Fiancee could be so thoughtless, unloving, and inconsiderate--besides hiding from us they were living together--they refused to attend their wedding. I cried my heart out because my Son allowed his Fiancee and her Mom to deny me the right I should have had to attend my own Son's wedding! Not only did that hurt, but I knew one day I'd end up being used as their scapegoat because my Ex and his Mom decided they wouldn't attend their wedding! That's exactly what happened, after I moved here to this State where they now live, 6 yrs. ago! Despite the unnecessary heartache they caused us over their wedding location, and despite discovering through my Ex-Husband's Sister that they'd already been living together a full year and could have married in FL or at least near where they were living together at the time they finally decided to marry, I decided to continue being the loving Christian Mom I've always been. I asked my Ex to please go to the store for me and buy them a beautiful Christian wedding card. We enclosed a big check inside, which he mailed to them.
A month later, we were surprised to get a wedding video in the mail. My Husband put the VCR in so we could see their wedding, we had missed. We were shocked to see a huge empty wedding chapel with only my Son, his Fiance, some Pastor they found to marry them, her Dad and Stepmom and Half-Sister. Her own Mom was making the video. After the wedding, the new couple and her Mom drove back home to their own apartment some distance away, for their "reception", and the rest of my new Daughter-In-Law's family immediately drove back to AL. At their apartment, my Son wasn't in the video. I only saw my new Daughter-In-Law and her Mom. Then the only one in the video was my Daughter-In-Law, who began reading the beautiful wedding card we bought them. I really thought it was thoughtful of her to think of doing that, until what happened next. I could hear her Mom's voice in the background, and suddenly, my new Daughter-In-Law began laughing hysterically and continued laughing hysterically the entire time she was reading their religious wedding card! You have no idea how hurt, angry, and humilated my Husband and I both felt!
Neither my Ex nor his Mom wanted to meet my Son's Fiancee before they married due to their deliberate deception, but I insisted we invite them down because I knew if we didn't invite them, I'd never see him again, nor would I ever see any future Grandchildren I might have! We had already been down a similar road before with his first Wife, who also totally controlled my Son, and also tried to alienate him from his own family. He had to Divorce her because when he returned from a Navy sub cruise three days before Christmas a year after they married, she was on the pier with some guy of another race with whom she was committing adultery, telling my Son she didn't love him anymore and also had moved out of their apartment, taking all their brand new furniture and new car she'd insisted he buy before he left on his cruise! Despite the horrendous emotional pain my Son and first Wife had caused us, and this additional pain my Son and 2nd Fiancee caused us, when she was there at our ranch, I treated her like she was a Queen, never letting on--and never allowing my Ex or his Mom to let on--we were aware of their secret they'd deliberately kept from us, the secret they stupidly thought we'd never learn. Why? Because my Ex was a violent man and I knew a major fight would ensue, and I'd never see my Son again! What made it harder, though, was my future Daughter-In-Law's hypocrisy in telling me several times her Grandpa had been a Methodist Pastor--thinking she was earning "brownie points" with me--totally unaware of the fact I already knew she was a slut and a gold-digger like his #1 Wife had been! Let's be clear: My Son is just as much at fault because he wasn't raised that way. After he told them his Parents had a big cattle ranch and both of his gold-digger future Wives used their own bodies to immediately lure him into bed, into his apartment, and into marriage! The Mom of his first Fiancee shocked us on their wedding day, after we had driven hundreds of miles to that wedding, telling us her Daughter had moved in with my Son within only a week after meeting him. My Son's second Fiancee did likewise, we discovered.
Several years later, I ended up Divorcing my abusive Ex and escaped to the same State, near where my Son and his Wife lived. After listening several times to both of them astonishingly trying to blame me several times for supposedly "ruining" their wedding because I didn't attend it, I finally got the courage to confront them both about it, separately, because I didn't want them together in the same room so they could make up a story, together! I told each of them they had no right to blame me for not being at their wedding when they knew it was physically impossible for me to attend when they purposely made the decision to marry hours away from our home, a distance they knew ahead of time would make it totally impossible for me to attend! I also finally revealed to each that my Ex's Sister had phoned us the day after they shown up at her Grandson's Wedding Reception to brag about her new engagement ring to them (which we had heard nothing about!), and also about the fact they confessed to them at they had been living together a full year, both in FL and the same State we lived in (deliberately keeping that info from us, also)! I was astonished both lied to my face, claiming they weren't at the wedding reception, despite my Ex's Sister, their entire family, and 300+ other witnesses seeing them there! I was further astonished when my own Son blatantly lied to my face, claiming he didn't know anyone by the name of "Chris" (my Ex's Nephew), whose wedding reception they had attended, despite the fact he and Chris would pal around together whenever Chris visted our ranch!
I was so hurt that in my physical condition my Son, Wife and her Mom would try to use me as a scapegoat when it was my Ex and his Mom--not me--who refused to attend their wedding! What is even more hurtful, after my Divorce, I immediately became of no value anymore to my Son and his new Wife because my Ex decided to immediately disinherit my Son from ever getting our big cattle ranch once he dies! None of these things are my fault, but I've been terribly maligned and mistreated by my Son, his Wife, and by her Mom who's done everything in her power to encourage their deception and hurtful behavior towards me from the day she and her Daughter met my Son in FL, when my Son was foolish enough to brag to them--the same way he bragged to his first future Wife--his Parents owned a big cattle ranch! My Ex refused to allow me to work outside our cattle ranch immediately after we married. I daily worked my butt off on that ranch for 14 yrs., as his full-time unpaid cattle rancher. I never married my Ex for money, so I never shed one tear over losing my beautiful home we built, nor the cattle I'd raised and dearly loved, because my Ex not only caused my permanent back injury, he killed 3 of my precious cats and my dog because I Divorced him! After all the years of Hell I had to endure with him, because I had no financial means to escape because he constantly kept us in debt buying farm and other equipment he already had and didn't need--it hursts knowing my Son's and his Wife's greed means more to them than them allowing me to have a loving relationship with them and my precious 4 yr. old Grandson! I sacrificed for my Son during all of those years I was a single Mom and had to raise him entirely by myself because his own Daddy decided he would abandon him after we Divorced!
