Replies to '12/25 Parent Trap'

As for Enrique maybe he did try at first or maybe he did not? We really do not know all the details. By the way Maria acted up there all smug you could tell she was definitely not a person to talk things out with. She maks it quite apparent that it is her way or no way by simple still demanding child support from him even though the whole truth is out that Enrique is not the father. And yet also imagine the betrayal he was feeling. We all as human beings have emotions and we all have different ways to react. Plus he had to make a very very hardcore decision more or less alone. Yes he did have Mia's support and she did nothing wrong either. Ultimately the decision to go about it was his. And it was his alone to bear that burden of that decision which also still involves his current family too at which he had to weigh out the consequences concerning all involved at which I think he did. This is because from the sounds of the show it did not sound like a rush decision on his part. It boils down everyone involved had the right to know the truth no matter what. So with it not really being a rush decision Enrique was also feeling the pain of knowing the cost of the hurt that this was all going to bring. But also knowing the truth needs to come out. Talk about your conflicts. Tell me could you make that decision in such circumstances? (This is just a question I am not trying to sound mean to you personally it was basically just trying to say put yourself in his shoes to try and see his point of view as well as Selena which most people can do immediately. Nothing mean meant by it at all.)There was going to be hurt to Selena no matter what way it happened. I am not condoning the way Enrique handled it but at least he has remorse and does want to make up for it. But maria wants him to pay up and is denying visitations anyways thus causing more hurt to Selena even more so. So is this in the best interests of the child? I think alot would agree no way! And yet because he is now known that he is not the bio-dad the courts henceforth have left it up to the discretion of the mother to let him see the child but in turn still want him to pay the child support to the child. So thus his own new family feels that burden everyday too as well as Enrique not being able to see a child that he still does want to have a relationship with and make up for it. And yes we all feel for Selena being hurt whom was the one mainly hurt that is true enough. But what about all the others who have been hurt as well like the Enrique new wife and/or family, sister Selena's real bio father and his side of the family. To explain they have also at least been hurt by this lie by means of denial of knowing the existance of another family member and all those years gone that can never be made up. Plus the fact that A father in this land is suppose to have equal rights but a case like this along with many other testimonies shows that this is not the case for father whether it be a legal father or bio-father or otherwise. That could be another form of betrayal to a father depending upon the individual. And that is being done by a system that is uppose to "hold higher standards and protect the best interest of the child." But in fact how is it in the best interest of the child for her not to see her at least father figure that has been there for her for a while. True enough he did hurt her but he wants to make up for it and yes by law because he has foster a long term relationship he does have visitation rights within the confines of the law and does not have to pay child support but it is not enforced and is being just left to Maria to handle. The only thing the courts seem to actually be concerned with is the fact that he is to pay child support so they can keep collecting their money because it would be to hard to go after the real bio-father. And yet that is in the "best interest of the child." I think not. Now Enrique has the feeling he is only a checkbook to Maria and the System and he still does not even get a chance to make up for it. This is not fair and should not be allowed. Things with the way the system treats things need to change. And this is a prime example why. No one should do this to anybody It hurts too many people. Trust me I could keep going on about this I know all too well personally and could describe all the feelings involved to detail and all whom get hurt. Just initial news the child is not yours is a super-nova shock to a father. And as for Maria she is probably never going to change but hey let her just live her life the way she is going to live it.

You speak about this as if you were in the park that day --- can you fill the rest of us in on the conversation?

 

I have to say, there are so many holy rollers on this board who are adamant about what they "would have done" or what the parties involved "should have done," and it makes me sick.  Frankly, I can't get my head around certain things - a close family member being killed, a terrorist attack on my town, losing my home to a catastrophic natural event - I can't get my head around it, nor can I begin to try.

 

About six months ago, I wouldn't have been able to get my head around paternity fraud, I still can't do it entirely (I'm a mother who has no doubt where her child comes from) - but I have seen and lived what it does to a family. 

 

So, all I'll say is this:  even with the event in the park taken at face value - PLEASE try to empathize with a man who had a knee-jerk reaction in response to having received the biggest, most devastating blow of his life, inflicted upon him AND his daughter by the child's mother.  He absolutely did indeed react on emotion - but could you really, truly do any better under the circumstances???  Do you believe yourself to be that perfect?  I can't say that I would, and refuse to tell someone else that they should.

 

I will also say that I would have given anything for us to have had an opportunity to explain this to the child involved in our lives.  We even asked the judge in our case for the opportunity, but once paternity is disproven, that child's father is nothing more to that child than any other weirdo on the street in the eyes of the law.  In our case, we have no idea what mommy-dearest has told her.

 

Understand that in many of these cases, where DNA excludes a father, he loses his visitation rights, but is still expected to keep paying.  I guess in that sense, we were lucky because we were not expected to continue payments -- but God help anyone who tries to tell us we don't MISS that child with all our hearts and would want her in our lives, DNA or not.  And whatever their faults and errors, I'm pretty confident that Enrique and Mia feel the same way.