Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

Quote From: kathym1959

I have cooked thanksgiving dinner for my large family for the past 9 years.  After Thanksgiving last year my husband and I separated to try and resolve some issues we couldnt seem to resolve while living together. My husband immediately went to my family and told a bunch of lies (and some truths that shouldnt have been shared), and before I knew it, I was "black-balled" from my family. I finally decided that the only way for me to gain their approval was to go back to my husband. It worked, for them. I continue to harbor the resentments but have been still hopeful that things would smooth over. I have had a lifetime relationship with my older sister who is not happy unless she dominates every situation.  I have learned to accept that, but my meekness has taught her that she can treat me like crap and come out shining.  Sooooo... yesterday, my brother called and said he wanted to buy the turkey,  so we discussed when he would have to order it to get it fresh, blah blah blah... today I received this email from my sister:

Hello All- It's Turkey Time!    We wanted to let you all know that we will be cooking Thanksgiving Dinner in our home and would like to ask you all to share in this day with us. If possible we would like to have a head count so we'll cook enough food  (haha!  like we ever don't have enough food)   Love you all, Ruben and Shirley   When I called her and asked what was up with that, she said, "kathy, I havent even heard from you in a long time". really what she was referring to was that after the separation, and marriage counseling, I made a decision not to discuss personal matters with this person I used to trust. So I checked in every now and then to see how everybody was, and have kept our relationship very uncomplicated to make my life easier so I can concentrate on my marriage without much family drama. The next words out of her mouth were, "well, people have the right to choose where they go for thanksgiving, kathy". We both live in the same town, in fact my mom and all but one of us "kids" live in the same town. What should I do? After I had talked to my brother about the turkey, I had planned on sending a note and counting heads, never thought for a minute I would be competing with my sister for guests. Should I leave it alone and let her do the dinner? Should I cook as usual and invite friends instead? I think if I send my "invitation" out now that it will appear that I am trying to ruin her dinner. I dont want my family who I love dearly to have to choose between sisters, but honestly, I dont have the family over much throughout the year so I look forward to making a special dinner and doing something special for them at least once a year. I thought about sending a note that says "As has been the tradition, I will be cooking...." but that sounds a little childish and competitive. I want everyone's holiday to be nice. Many years ago when I moved back to my hometown, I was informed that "everybody goes to shirley's house Christmas Day", so I have conceded. Now, though, it appears she wants Thanksgiving too and I think she is a manipulative greedy selfish bad word and want no part of her. Anybody have a better solution than that? I sure would appreciate anything you have to offer!  Thanks!