Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

Apparently at least my Mom knew, because  when I asked her if she was going to come for dinner, she said, "I think Johnny (my brother) and I are just going to make the rounds".  I asked her if she was condoning my sister's actions, and she said she just doesnt want to get in the middle of anything. Really she has allowed my sister to control her, and can never stand up to her. For instance, 2 years ago, I allowed my male chihuahua to breed with my sisters female.  I was clear and specific when I told her that its customary for a breeder to get pick of the litter. I also said many times that we needed to talk about it because it is not uncommon for a chihuahua to bear only one pup. She said, "its not going to happen, and I dont even want to "go there". About halfway through the pregnancy I found out I had a malignant melanoma on my arm and had radical surgery as it was level IV. While I was recovering from that surgery, my beloved chihuahua contracted parvo. He only weighed 3 puonds to begin with and the vet could do nothing, so he died.  My sisters dog had as youve probably guessed, only one puppy, a male that looked just like rocco. When i tried to contact her, she avoided me and was always too busy to talk. At Christmas, the pup was being passed around and fought over by little children who didnt comprehend the danger to the pup. I said, I think we better let the puppy get some rest with his mama, and put him in my sister's room.  She had previously told me he wouldnt be ready to be weaned for another two weeks. When I reminded her of the "deal" we had made, she said, well, we'll talk about that when the pup is ready to go. A week later, I found out from another relative that she had given the pup to her grown son on Christmas, and he lives about 300 miles away. While I was there on Christmas, everyone there had knowledge that that was to be my nephews dog, but me.  Her response to that act was "I just had to do what I thought was right for the puppy, after all, rocco died of parvo, and she claimed it was all my fault, and besides, her son had a liver disease and needed a buddy, and I didnt even want anything to do with the puppy on christmas because I put him out of the kids' reach.  So, back to the point, my mom's response was, as usual, "I dont want to get in the middle of anything", again unable to take a stand in my favor as always and afraid to tell my sister she was wrong. The saddest part was that my nephew got tired of the dog and gave him to a stranger 6 months later.  My sister continued to say she didnt do anything wrong. After not speaking to her for several months, I called her and said lets just start with a clean slate- after all we are sisters and life is short..........  between then and now our conversations were strained and superficial, clear up to her thanksgiving trick.  So thats why i say I taught her how to treat me. I have a constant fear of the cancer showing up somewhere else, but  I am not afraid to die.  I am afraid I wont ever get to have a relationship with my sister because I am so angry. When i die, I want my life to have been an honorable one where people smile when they talk about me. My sister has manipulated the thinking of others in the family, and well, I guess I am afraid of not being missed. I know thats pretty egocentric, but it is the way I feel. Thank you so much for responding to my message and allowing me the chance to get the right thinking going so I can move on and enjoy my life for what is it. It is not perfect, nor am I, but I am learning it is mine to mold and shape the way I want it to go.. Thanks again, Kathy