Replies to '06/16 A Daughter in Danger?'

A friend of mine brought this topic to my attention.  I, myself, have been going through a similar situation with my 17 year old.  I have contacted religious leaders, the police, even reached out in desperation to online support groups.  Nobody cares! 

She has been "conversing" with a Moroccan man, who is 21, via IM for several months now.  My husband knew about it, but didn't disclose it to me because he felt it HER responsibility to inform me.  When I found out, the damage had already been done.  She had "fallen" for him.  I have been feeding her information gradually over time in hopes of not shutting down the line of communication - but now have reached an end.  My patience reached an end when she went to two college interviews wearing a hijab - head covering.  The real tough thing here is that her friends know about her "reversion" and they support her - what do a bunch of 17 year olds know about what she is doing to herself?  The other disturbing issue is that two of her friend's parents also know about her transformation and support it as well.  Perhaps she has painted a different picture, I don't know.  I couldn't call myself a friend if I knew that a child was doing something, veering off course, and didn't say anything to the parents.  I couldn't live with myself.  What is wrong with people these days?  This only complicates matters because she is reaching out to these other parents who support her, which makes our views even more unnacceptable.

She will be 18 in a month and we unfortunately cannot keep her or prevent her from doing anything on her own.  My own sister became involved with a man from another culture and lived a nightmare - her life will never be the same.  She has had a series of nervous breakdowns when I was younger - my parents kept all this from me but I put the pieces together at a later age; I really still don't know the whole story. She cannot function without her medication.  She isn't the same person she was, and it breaks my heart.  I have told my daughter about this, and it hit a nerve.  But teens think they are invincible and nothing bad will ever happen to them.

Likewise, the police told me that the age of consent is 16, so unless there is proof of anything sexual going on, there is nothing we can do. 

The real clincher here is that she "reverted" to the Muslim faith - that is what they term it because they believe that everyone was born a Muslim and veers off course.  I have done much research - including research about Morocco and the way women are treated there - it does nothing.  She is applying to colleges, and could have a very bright future ahead of her - but I don't foresee that anymore.

We have cut off her access to the internet, but not totally because she needs it to communicate with the colleges she is applying to.  She still communicates with him, but not nearly as much as she did in the past.  I also found her searching sites for Muslim wedding attire.  Fantasizing?  I don't know.  It all points to one thing.

We have also brought up the cultural differences and the difficulty with suddenly changing your culture.  It doesn't work, and if it does, it takes a long time and a lot of hard work. 

At this point, I am truly concerned because the reversion to Muslim would be more acceptable to me without the constant marriage bedazzling from this man, whom she has never met, but believes she is in love with.  To an adult, that seems totally preposterous, but to a teen who is desperate to fill the void in her life, it isn't.

I don't know how this will all turn out, but I do believe that she was coerced and/or brainwashed by this man.  We should have stopped her when we had the opportunity - but that is water under the bridge now.  We have to deal with the present and are living day-to-day.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't do research to possibly find something that I have missed.  She also has given him our address, which I told her NEVER to do.  Because of what my sister experienced, I am afraid that he will suddenly show up at my front door or that some of his relatives who live here will track her down and things will get ugly. 

At this point, she has the full deck of cards, including both jokers, and could trump us at any time.  I am now in contact with a mental health institution to find out if there is a deprogramming person she could speak to.  I don't know where else to go........