Replies to '06/17 A Daughter in Danger? Part 2'

I can really relate to Katherine--and even when her family calls her "stupid" and "crazy". That's how I feel now--both stupid and crazy, after having met someone online, entered into a relationship and suffered years of abuse though, at the time I was convinced I was "in love".

I was Katherine's age when I went online at my high school, there was no talk of internet safety. Kids were shown how to use the internet and make web pages. I was one of many who went into chat rooms during school hours. I did not have my real name online but I used my real age and location. That was enough for someone to find me, using the "online now" feature and begin to correspond. The person immediately showed alot of attention, with a focus on meeting in person. It was a much older man who told me all the things young girls like to hear--you are pretty, you are smart, your parents don't understand. Then it got into the talk about our special connection, I am the only one he can trust--he has never felt this way about anyone else. I met in person and was a bit nervous because this person was trying to get too close too fast, and was insisting on a relationship. Then again he wasn't like the teenage boys that burp in your face and take you to fast food dates, so I figured we still had a chance. Eventually I was drawn into this man's life--in part because I was so ashamed of things that had happened between us, and clinging to the hope that things would change. It's better to get out early because when things get bad, it will be much more difficult to leave. I began to go into denial to survive, to forgive all his faults and accept the insults hurled at me. It was easier to believe I was a bitch or stupid than to believe the man I loved was hurting me. My spirit was broken. All I knew was to stay silent and pretend everything was fine.

I spent years in an abusive relationship with a man who I believe has done similar things to other young girls. This man has no close adult friends. He choses young girls from single parent homes, coming from troubled backgrounds to "rescue". He adapts all his interests to be exactly what yours are. He uses his own troubled childhood to win sympathy. Once you feel so in love, and so together--the isolation and abuse begin. When I finally left, I was so in denial that it took him actually laying his hands on me for me to recognize the abuse. Even then I couldn't go to a battered women's shelter--I didn't feel I "deserved" it. I am working very hard to heal--and it gets better, each day of freedom and joy erases a little of the pain. Yet I am afraid for my safety and that he will hurt me. I am living in the worst kind of poverty imaginable. I suffer nightmares. I would not wish this experience on anyone. It's so important that parents stay involved, and do what they can to monitor online activity. And for girls--there is no prince charming that will find you online and bring you to a castle. Don't compromise who you are for anyone--or risk your life for a man. Love will not hurt you, Love will not cause fear. Love will not isolate you from your family. Love will build you up and make you a stronger person. That love begins in yourself, not online. You don't need a computer to be popular or cool. Turn it off. Spend your time taking care of yourself and working towards your dreams.

Best, Juliet