Replies to '07/28 A Husband's Shocking Confessions'

I do hear what you're saying about teaching people how to treat us but I have to tell you that I think in some instances you've lumped a lot of people together making assumptions about people when you don't know them or their circumstances.  For example you'd said "how many stories start off as 'My husband of 40 years.' Ther stories are tragic not just for the hardships but because they chose to endure it"  In reality it's YOU that is passing judgements on them & they shouldn't have to put up with THAT!  Who are you to pass judgements on THEM?  You go on to talk about your marriage and how your wife mistreated you & your kids & how to put up with this for 10 years!  "Could I play the victim here? Sure but the reality is it took me 10 years to draw the line in the sand and say enough"   And so now that YOU had decided that this is the way to go it gives YOU the right to tell others what to do ?  Further you said that there's no reward for "hanging in there" & you are WRONG!  You say it took you 10 years to put your foot down well I say if 5 years into that you'd said "enough" & you just walked then there would be no NOW  YOU did hang in there & the REWARD is that after 10 years you gave your wife the scare of her life by *APPEARING* to be serious about leaving & it doesn't matter wheather you were or were not serious about splitting because the fact is you're still with your wife!!!!! 

Futher you say "could I play the victim here?"  Well it seems to me you stated all the horrible things your wife did to you & it didn't sound like you were saying "hey I deserved it"!  And I have to tell you that I think it's emotionally abusive of you to tell people that their reasons for staying are "all excuses"!  How DARE YOU!  So because after 10 years you decided you were going to put your foot down now means that EVERYONE else is just "playing victim" here?  It isn't bad enough that people are emotionally torn up & confused & in pain but now someone like YOU comes along & tells them to "get off their pity party"?   Telling them they're "almost boastful in how much crap they took"? 

And I find it incredable that you can pass such harsh judgements on so many here & then have the NEVER to discount ANY back lash as those mean man hating women"!  So to you you're right & if anyone puts you in your place it's just because you're a guy?  Talk about taking away someones power & talk about playing the VICTIM!  You were playing the victim before anyone even answered you! 

I don't completely disagree with you about teaching people how to speak to us or how to treat us and frankly THAT is why I had to address you!  I don't think it's right that I let what you've said go unchecked here.  As far as marriages and teaching our spouses how to treat us & being a martyr Not everyone is just going to walk away from a marriage & that is because when we married we *TOOK VOWS NOT TO DO THAT*  and then when we have children we've brought others into the mix as well!   I don't believe that all women or men should stay in a marriage even for the children but I don't think we should just be walking away either and some times the work we need to go through to straighten out a marriage is a LONG road & if we give up then the journey is at an end!  You had said that there was a lot more to the story of you & your wife & I can only image that is the case!  By the same token with all these others that YOU'VE judged there is a lot more to their stories I'm sure & you are making it extremely simplistic by saying it's their own doing because they're "martyr's"!   Again how dare you?!  I understand that you're trying to enfuse a back bone in people but doing so by verbally abusing them isn't going to help them!