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November 30, 2007, 10:18 pm PST
we are all surviver's ,we just need to learn to cope
Quote From: edmicequeenI really thought only I lived with the daily nightmares of the abuse I went threw for years . It started when i was going into grade three and was a weekly thing . Every thursday night my parents went out and every night my brother abused me physically mostly sexually.
When he got violent he became aroused then it turned into a rape . It happened so many times I could never count . I have tried everything to get passed this and decided to write a book maybe that would help and i have been working on it for years. Everytime I get working on it i get physically sick and have to stop. I know i am pulling at memories I have away but really physically sick.
A few years ago my sister told my mom that this had happened under her nose for years and she never knew. (BUT thats a wholle other story in itself) In a quest to deal with her grief now mom asks me questions about it and I really dont know how to feel about that either .
My brother died when i was 16 which I cant say I was sad about yet he haunts me everyday .
I truely believe thats why I have such a problem with guys ....I dont date because i ATTRACT ABUSERS
I lived threw one and wont make that mistake again.
SO THANKS for letting me babble and if anyone has any suggestions on how to get rid of these ghosts I would welcome it . I can understand everyone's abuse ,being abused myself....my foster mother denied every thing ,she said her husband would never do that....he apolojized to me ....the next morning i was dropped off at the cps office...when i was about 24 or so i went to oregon to visit my sister and my foster sister ,who i love dearly...i got together with that fostermother and we talked about the molestation ,this is what she said ..........you shouldn't have said anything ,because when i was growing up and my dad was doing that to me .........my mother told us children to just act like it isnt happening...so we all survive but ,we have to learn how to cope and that my dear i have found to be a life long process.....so i will do as you are doing and keep looking for the ghosts to go away.
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