Replies to 'Spanking: Useful or Cruel?'

I agree that every one has different views and for different reasons and to be perfectly honest I have seen abusers on both sides of the issue, I know parents who have/do abuse their children but have never spanked and vice versa. There are definetly many forms of abuse and because no one is perfect and we all do make mistakes, chances are all parents in one way shape or form may have had abused their child in some way. Not saying intentional becasue any loving and good parent would never purposely harm their child in any way. correct me if I am wrong, but you seem to believe that spankers are abusive parents. I am really just trying to understand your posts, call me a dummy or whatever, but really that is all I am trying to do for I personally respect all peoples views here and in no way trying to put any one down or to justifying abuse. I can only speak for myself and my home, that even though I have given my children a swat on the bottom does not mean I am an abusive parent, I love and respect my children and try very hard to communicate with them, My youngest is only 2 but I do have ways of communicating and getting through to her on issues, It is not unusual for me and my 4 year old to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and to discuss behaviors/choices and all. She has the freedom to express herself in how ever she can but is not aloud to harm another, including herself in the process which if she does, she loses a privelege. Though I do not have a problem with spanking, (a swat on the bottom), I honestly cannot tell you the last time my children has gotten one, becasue I only give a swat to the bottom after the third warning/redirection of certain incidents and I must count my blessings for I have two very well natured girls as I am one of the lucky ones who have easy children (at this point). Just becasue I might disagree with some one on a discipline does not neccessarily mean that I think they are abusing their children, I think the ones who end up with rebellious and kids in trouble (however one wants to word it)are usually those who do not discipline at all or those who are not willing to change techniques in their parenting becasue they are so wanting to be right in their choices. We as parents must put our children as high priority and make it our goal to love and respect them and to help/teach them right from wrong and to help them to grow into good, productive adults and my children are progressing very well. They know they are loved, and cared for and they know that we would never hurt them, they are young but they know when they have been hurt or done wrong, my oldest not too long ago told some one that her mommy never hurts her(don't know what the converstaion was about as I walked in during the conversatiion), she knows she is loved. Both of them are very vocal even at their young ages and believe me would voice it if I was hurting them. I for one will never look at my self as a perfect parent but at least I can look at my self in the mirror at night and be proud of the fact that I am the best parent for my children and they are progressing as they should becasue they are loved and I want the best for them. I do not tolerate violence and when it is against a child, believe me, I feel rage, I personally know what abuse is and how it can affect a person and I will do everything in my power to protect my children. A good parent will raise their children in a loving and caring atmoshere, communicate and discipline in a way that will help the child not harm them and at the same time admit when they have done wrong and even apologize to a child (which persoanlly have done), and be willing to change a technique(which I have) when they sense/know that it is wrong and/or it is useless in helping the child. I personally am not discounting any ones views here for that is what they are, just views/opinions. yes a spanking can turn into abuse but so can putting a child in time out constantly, and the way we speak to our children, even grounding a child from everything all the time can set them up for failure, There has to be balance and communication between child and parent, boundaries and consequences must be set as well and at the same time, all this can happen when there is love and respect in the home and children know when these things exist, My children go to bed happy everynight and as we discuss our day, we talk about the negatives and positives and talk about what we each can do to make things better/right. Children are definetly the smart ones for they are honest and real, and my ears are always opened when it comes to my children.