Replies to '06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2'

The bride, the mother, and the groom all need to weigh the price they will pay for their pride, their need to be right.

When I look at my beautiful grandchildren I know that I would give up the need to be right, rather than not see them. I would find a way to get along with the devil himself if that's what I had to do to be able to hear them laugh, see their beautiful smiles, and feel their wonderful hugs: and when I hear "I love you, grandma", that's the real capper.

My husband had an ex-wife and two children when we married. We proceeded to have three children. The ex-wife re-married and had three beautiful daughters. Through the years we all got along because the children were all siblings of my step-children. I couldn't have known how much of a blessing that would turn out to be.

I am now a mother-in-law, and I was a daughter-in-law.

When I was a daughter-in-law:

My mother-in-law had some faults, and she had some wonderful traits. She came as a package, I had to accept the whole package if I wanted to have her wonderful traits in our lives. She was a wonderful grandmother to all our children. It would have been such a horrible loss not to have had her in our lives, especially if that loss was caused by my petty pride, or my need to be right. My children remember all the good years they had with their grandmother, the stories that only she could tell them, the love that only she could give them, they won't remember whether I was right or not in an argument.

I held my mother-in-law's hand when she drew her last breath, and it broke my heart to lose her.

I am now a mother-in-law:

I love my son so very much, and was so close to him all through the years. He was the one that would open up to me, when he came home from a date, or when a girl had dumped him and broken his heart. We were emotionally very close, and that ended when he took a wife. Of course I missed the talks we used to share, but I understand it. He has a life partner to share his emotions and talks with, and that's as it should be. Our roles have changed. My daughter-in-law is his emotional support, and if she isn't, then that is between my son and his wife, that's no longer my role to play. My son loves me and needs me as much as he ever did, just in a different way.

My daughter-in-law is an outstanding person. She has given me three of the most beautiful, sweet, intelligent and loving grandchildren any grandmother could hope to enjoy. I love my daughter-in-law, but if I didn't, I would find a way to get along with her and show her respect, if for no other reason than out of respect and love for my son and grandchildren.

I have lost my parents, my in-laws, my husband, and my stepdaughter to death. I have no regrets about a second I spent with any of them. I think of how much I would have missed with them had I let pride and the need to be right take all that love and sharing away from me. Because of my mother-in-law, and my husband and his ex-wife, I now have not only my children and grandchildren, but the ex-wife's children in my life, her children and our children are all one family. I would have lost all of this had I cut my mother-in-law out of my life.

When my husband's ex-wife died, I sat by her bed and told her what wonderful children she had raised, and that I loved her. She looked at me, squeezed my hand, and smiled. I left the room crying.

I would tell these people to look at the big picture. A little bit of forgiveness and respect goes a long way, I know, I've been there, I've been forgiven, and I have forgiven, it works.

Sallygoodin