Replies to 'Should We Get Pregnant?'

Wow, you sound just like me!  I am 26 and had bi-polar now since I was a teenager, so know all about those ups and downs.  I was so worried when i was pregnant with my first son for a LOT of reasons.  My father was abusive so I worried what if I become abusive?  Me and my mom have never been close and I worred I would lack the maternal instincts and my mom during a much needed time.  I was an only child until I was 12 and both parents remarried partners with kids and then each had another child, but I never got the hang of sharing, I am a generous person dont get me wrong, but only when I wanna be lol, and can also be selfish and self centered.  When I was pregnant I shared these concerns with a co-worker at the time who gave me the best advice; "If you are aware of these potential problems, youve already taken a stap in preventing them".  That hit me hard! 

Let me tell you my son is now 6 and I have one on the way.  Parenthood changes you 100%.  I can still be selfish but what I have found is that I am selfish also on my sons behalf, as in I look out for him and spoil him and then worry about my needs.  I can easily "snap" at times, but I am very aware of my sons feelings and what helps me are taking time outs for myself.  I dont care what anyone says you need them, a 20 min hot bath, an hour to yourself to read, whatever, if you dont look out for yourself and make sure to meet your needs and spend time with yourself then I dont see how one can manage without resentment honestly.  Because of my fathers abuse I am very aware and if I ever feel that rising out of me (like the need to hit/spank) I remove myself from the situation for a few mins until I calm down.  Time outs and punishing my son for his behaviour by taking away privelages has worked fine for us.   

My mom hasnt been much of a grandmother, or a mother.  I didnt have in during my wedding, my pregnancy, she hung up on me when I told her I was pregnant (because she felt old now) and refused to throw me a baby shower when I asked, saying that was for my sisters to do (who uhm were 8 at the time!)  What helped a lot was my exes mom she was very excited about her grandson and even since me and her son broke up she has been like a mom to me.  So even though my own mom wasnt a part in the most special thing in my life, and theres no replacing that sadly enough, I had a grandmother who loved my son more then enough for both of them and who was there for me. 

So what I am saying is this, if you want a child and know you can be that great a mom, go for it!  We all have our bad days, and once you have a child your whole outlook on life WILL change, and you will instinctively protect your child from the evil world, AND the evil you.  TRUST me on this.  I am a horror fan fanatic who reads all about serial killers and I am more then a little morbid, but my son would never suspect a thing, he only gets to see good mommy and good things.  I over shelter him I will admit, but I feel I was exposed to too much and I'd rather be guilty of over sheltering my son and protecting him too much then of anything else.  Now I'm not saying my child thinks I'm perfect or anything like that, just that I dont take things out on him.  Kids pick up on bad moods like everyone else and when I need a few mins or even just a "mom dont feel good tonight" excuse he understands.  Its the good days they remember if we know how to handle and minimize the bad days, or so I hope!