Replies to '12/05 Internet Dangers'

   The addict or abuser will always find an adequate excuse.  It may be flimsy, but they will never find fault with themselves.  They will blame MySpace.  Or Craig'slist.  Or something.  An abusing husband will claim "she let herself go, she isn't as attractive as a size 2 runway model."  (He never notices he is not Denzel Washington)  When he feels the need to damage this children as much as his spouse, he claims that  "she's isn't a good parent."  When he attacks her value in society,  (we are as valuable as the money we earn) "she didn't earn enough money. "

    Those are handy excuses. 

    And the co-dependent finds excuses for him.  To the rousing strains of Tammy Wynette's Stand by Your Man, she forgives the unforgivable.  She is lost in the myth that this is a competition she must win with all the **** .  She will prove to all the--well, let's be charitable and say-- women that he cheated with that she is the better woman.  She goes off into a happy, feminine fantasy where she proves she deserves and truly loves him.  

    He has learned to play a co-dependent for a fool.  All he has to do is say "I'm sorry" and all the past is forgiven, and he gets to go on his own merry way.  He wants to protect himself from all those other women with a legal marriage.  (He can avoid an intense relationship with someone on Craig'slist by suddenly remembering 'I'm a married man")

    A reconciliation is in the best interests of the abuser, not the co-dependent..  She surrenders herself  in any relationship.  She is the last one to realize this because focusing on  being the best woman, the best wife, and the best mother that she can be takes up all her time and attention.  She forgets to remember if he is being the best husband or father.  He's a only a man, and he is not responsible for his own actions.   All the other women are the problem.  When she's honest with herself, which isn't often because she has as much self-esteem as a gnat, she admits she uses him as if he were  sexual object--the only dildo in town.

   And, she returns to that marriage as deluded as the first time she left.  I