Replies to '06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2'

What you have said is true.  Everyone has to find their boundaries and limits, while they also figure out how to get along with each other.

Every family has to come to terms with boundaries and limits.  Most do so without legal intervention or ultimatiums. 

Michelle, and her mother, have taken a very bad road.
That bad road likely began which Michelle was a child.  Either that, or the theory of the "bad seed" is true.

Michelle is devoid of feelings, but is extremely manipulative.  New husband in/mother-in-law-out = win for her.

We might even be watching the emergence of a black widow.  Once she is done with him, time to move on to the next conquest.

Jane sees this.  So do I.  I've seen it before and I'll see it again.  One just hopes for a long run positive outcome, once it become apparent that the short term trials will continue.  No one can really control anyone else unless they allow it once they are an adult, or stuck by legal or money issues, or an addiction to a person or substance.

Jay wants to allow Michelle to control him.  Whatever it is that she gives him, makes him willing to throw away his relationship with his mother. 

What he does not see is that Michelle is using the "get under your skin" method of bringing Jay into a dependent mode in their relationship.  She will separate him from his mother, and family, and friends.  Then she will reward him with praise or sex or children or whatever he has indicated he would really like in his life. 

Jay thinks she is helping him get free, while he is just digging a new hole that he can't climb out of. 

Jane will still have to let go and just watch.  Her son is an adult.  He will have to learn from his own bad choices. 

The husband of Michelle, is a goner.  He caved to his very manipulative new wife.  No amount of hiding behind a fuzzy screen will change what he has done.  He made his choice and will have to learn to deal with the consequences. 

Husbands and wives can choose to limit contact with other family.  They can modify their dependence on them.  Doing a major tell all with national attention, calling in guards for a wedding, etc. pretty well cuts it down to two choices.  Be with me or your mother.  Once Jay went with the new wife, he gave up his choices. 

Michelle is likely to end up in prison some day.  She creates so much drama around her while she acts like an ice queen. She is only in her 20's.  How will that work out down the road?   How much drama can she create once Jane is out of the picture?  Will it be Munchasusen by Proxy when they have children, so she can make the kids sick, then run around being their savior?  Just to make sure everyone knows how good she is, and how well she responds to problems, will she create problems?

How will Michelle keep up the savior role?  Time will tell.

How much attention and control does Michelle need to feel Okay?  Time will tell.

Once again to Jane...just back off.  If you do not, you are just feeding Michelle.  I've been through a similar situation.  Backing off, living your life, works wonders.  What you taught will come back to you when it really counts.  Refuse to be part of the conflict.  No matter how much it hurts.  The more you refuse to be a part of it, the less it will hurt long run.  Living your own life is an active, positive response.  Trust me on that.  Please.  Don't respond to things that are meant to get under your skin.  Do not allow other's manipulations to be your undoing.  Once you quit allowing that, they lose their power.