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Replies to '12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom'
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December 6, 2007, 8:53 am PST
 Quote From: bluevibe Why is it always the guy who has to change his mind? These women knew when they got married that their husbands didn't want kids, and now they resent them. Well, nobody forced you to marry him! Be honest with yourself--if you think there's any chance you might change your mind, it needs to be brought up before the wedding. People should be allowed to not want children and not browbeaten for it. Have these women considered adoption? Fostering? *Must* it be a biological child (do they love kids, or is it an egotistical need to replicate themselves?). A friend of mine married in her late 30's and, rather than risk the complications of late pregnancy, she and her husband adopted. Another couple adopted after having a stillborn child. Another adopted a child as a single mother. That their new babies are not DNA-related to them doesn't matter: They are their parents. They didn't fail and there is nothing wrong with them, and three little girls who would otherwise be parentless now have families that adore them and wanted them very, very, badly. I also want a family but I'm 30 and totally single. I don't want to have a child out of wedlock and cannot afford to raise one on my own. Some of us don't get to have biological children. I'm trying to get used to the idea that I may never even have a husband to make children of my own an option. Yeah, it's lonely. If I end up marrying later and we decide we want kids, adoption will be my preferred option, without any hesitations. I am also mystified that people who insist that children are a blessing from God do not, conversely, consider that not being able to have children might also be part of God's plan. Maybe His plan is for some of us to take in children in need, or to do some other great thing with our lives. (I'm not saying children aren't a blessing from God, I'm just saying that all of us may not be destined to receive the same blessings.) But I wanted to explain to you how it felt when I began to want a baby. (And I was fortunate enough to have 2) We got married at almost 20. At that time, niether of us wanted a baby. We had discussed before we married that we DID want children. Then at about 25, this "feeling" came over me from somewhere deep inside, I guess. I began to yearn for a baby. It was not a concious thing, not a concious decision, I just began to yearn for a baby. It was not a feeling that I had any control over. I just simply wanted a baby to hold in my arms and cuddle and raise. Long story short, my husband also wanted children, so we did. I don't think my husband experienced that "feeling" the same way that I did. I can only imagine how it would feel to have that "feeling" and then not be able to conceive. I guess it would be hard to come to terms with. An aside, when we wanted to have a second child, it took well over a year to conceive, so we were considered infertile at that time. We didn't try to do anything to promote conception, other than the usual. I was not desperate to have another baby, but I am so glad that we did go on to have our son. (our daughter came along first) |
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