Replies to '12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom'

 As another one said, we are well aware of adoption. When we were going through infertility treatment in the 70s, we were aware of adoption. We still wanted a child of our own. I still wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby moving in my womb, the agony of delivery, sleepless nights, etc. It was not to be for us. We tried adopting a newborn but the cost was $10,000 minumum even back then plus an estimated wait of 6-10 years. For a new born it can still be that way. When my daughter gave up her third child for adoption, the people who adopted him had been waiting for years.

Yes, my daughter. We adopted a two siblings - boy 2, girl 1. They had been taken away from their parents for abuse when the girl was 3 months old. They had been in foster care for 8 months, 3 different homes. They saw an older sister separated from them due to her abusing them. The 2 year old was the development of a 1 year old. It was truly like bringing home twins. We loved them from day one.

I call our experience a bad adoption experience. We wanted kids so badly  but it wasn't what we had planned. We went through the state because that is what we could afford.  When we told our parents that we were going to adopt, my in-laws said they would accept any child except one of 'black' mix. That hurt alot. As it turned out their heritage is same as if they were our bio kids. They look a lot like my husbands side of the family.

They had emotional problems already when we brought them home. Bonding never occurred. My husband was never able to bond with them due to his own reasons. I gave all I had but wasn't enough. They are now 31 and 30.  They both are full of anger towards their birth parents. Our daughter more than our son takes it out on us, particularly me. She blames me for everything bad in her life even though she is the one that has made the bad choices. Both are disfunctional and immature due in large part to the emotional problems they have.

I know another family that has adopted 4 foster children. They had them for awhile so knew them. Plus, she is what I call a 'natural mother'. These kids have lots of emotional and physical problems from being drug babies. They are great kids and a great family. I also grew up with a boy that was adopted. He made us feel bad we were not adopted. Because of him, I always wanted to adopt.

Yes, adoption is a way and the right choice for many,  but newborns are not readily available and the majority of people are not ready for an older child with mulitple problems. Please stop judging those that want a child of their own. And stop thinking they do not realize adoption is out there - from experience I know that is one of the first things others will say when they find out there is a fertility problem. But it is not for everyone since other than a newborn, they all come with baggage.