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Replies to '12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom'
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December 7, 2007, 4:43 pm PST
 Quote From: hope2bmome Sarcastically speaking of course. I understand you meant no ill will, How dare you decide that because you would "welcome" a child, & I desperately want a child, that I must be emotionaly unstable! Is it so wrong of me to want to look at our child & see my husbands face reflected back at me? Do you think that since I waited to have a child until we were emotionally & financially ready that that means I must just need a child of my own for purely selfish reasons. YOU have succeeded in making me irate, along with all the other ignorant dribble posted by either people who have had their own kids, or who want to pass judgement on others who are trying to. How dare all of you try to insinuate that we are selfish. I can GUARANTEE all of you that if my DH & I were able to keep a pregnancy that we would be excellent parents, better than most of the idiots out there popping them out like candy. Why are we more irate at people like me who could be awesome parents rather than the people who go around having them & could care less about them? What's really frightening is that all the morons are reproducing at alarming rates & those of us who have been responsible & waited to have them are struggling. Tell me, who would you rather see having a child, an idiot with no job or common sense, or an educated, loving couple who would see that their child grew up to be an amazing adult???? Dr.Phil, if you see this, put me on your show, I have PLENTY more to say about our struggles with infertility. Dare ya! I said that about welcoming a child mostly because we have not "actively" tried...BUT, my husband and I have not used any b/c for over 15 yrs...and so..thinking..finally, this would be a good time, I actually recently went to get checked out. It turns out there is an issue with his fertility....BUT this doesn't make me look at other men and think about having an affair JUST TO HAVE THEIR SPERM...Obviously, I am referring to the woman on the show - and that is the kind of person I feel is fairly unstable.
I'm not sure how fair it is to assume that I am calling YOU specifically emotionally unstable - but women who are willing to go into debt...or women who totally disregard their husband's feelings scare me. I mean, Dr. Phil had his own example...and that's great - but, not everyone has the marriage he and Robin have. By asking this man to do something he's not really ready or willing to do could actually make the father resent THE CHILD. No one really said jack about that. Dr. Phil asked if he would resent her. But, these are the kinds of things I see all the time working with children and families.
The main point I was trying to make is that a child is not supposed to be born to give anything back. Mostly BECAUSE THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER - and fulfilling an empty hole in a parent's life is not their job. I mean...what happens when they don't live up to the expectations? Or what if the parent's hole is so deep and empty (usually because their parents did the same thing to them) that no matter what the child does, it never gets filled. Again, not saying this is you, but saying that creating a life and bringing it into this world should be more about the child and less about the parent's needs and desires.
Finally, I couldn't agree with you more about all the people out there who get pregnant with ease and without thought. It breaks my heart. LIke you, I feel my husband and I are financially responsible, have a great relationship and would make great parents. In fact, he would be excited to have a child with Down Syndrome. But...it doesn't look that is a possibility. I wish you nothing but luck in your continued effort to be a parent.
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