Replies to '12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom'

25 years ago I got pregnant by a wonderful older man who said he would marry me "if I wanted him to"  Well yes I wanted to marry him, but only if he wanted to marry me.  I made a rash decision and had an abortion and pushed to the back of my mind until I had a pregnancy issue come up when I was 40 - 41.  But when it came time to look for the embryo, there was a place for a baby, but no baby in the place.  Since that time, my husband says I've changed.  I'm more depressed, and believe that I am going to go to hell for this decision. I am not saying that God does not love me, but we make are decisions and have to live with the consequences.  My husband and I have thought about adoption, but there is something about someone coming into our house and judging us on whether or not we would be good parents.  I've never felt good enough, so I feel that we would be turned down because we answered a question honestly.  I believe I would be a great mother, who would be a positive influence.  But since that avenue was blocked, I had an idea that what about taking in a foster child who is getting ready to turn 18 and have foster assistance ended.  I would want it to work with an adoption agency for a recommendation for someone who it would best assist.  Help them so they can go to school, etc... I feel that my depression is because I am not working to make a difference in someone's life.  I've given up on becoming pregnant.  God gave me my chance years ago and its taken me a long time to realize what I gave up.  I was young, and didn't feel I had anyone to talk to about it, and I made a decision I can never change.  I cannot forgive myself and as such I do not feel as if I fit in with other women my age as I have nothing in common with them.  So I feel very apart from society as a whole.  Pretty sad.....I wish I could afford to go to a fertility specialist and have a bank account that would support fertility treatments...I would do anything for a child, but my husband, no so much.  He's older and has already worked through the fact that he was not going to have children, but it is different for men than for women.  Oh well, I had my chance and blew it and Tom Scarborough DOB 7/2/47, I wish I could take it all back.  I wish I could tell you how very sorry I am.  I know you got on with your life and I thought I had, but apparently it can sometimes take years for others to get on with their lives; if they ever can/do.  Rowe vs. Wade = WRONG