Quote From: fat_kittyHi, maybe you all can help me. Who knows?
Okay, here's my situation. I have known my husband for 12 years and we've been married for 6 of those 12 years. We used to have a happy and healthy sex life. Now? We haven't had sex in 2 years.
A little background:
We are both in our mid-thirties and don't have kids. We get along great and believe we are each others soul mates. Yes, there have been problems in the past. I'm not sure, but here are some things that may contribute to why we aren't having sex:
-My husband is an alcoholic. He has been sober for almost 10 months now. He used to hide the fact he drank and would go to great lengths to hide it from me. I felt betrayed and lied to, so this hasn't helped the situation. I understand it's a disease and he is very sorry he hurt me. He is doing great now and I believe we are stronger for going through this. Even though I feel better about us, there is still a small part of me that doesn't trust him. Could this be my problem?
-I lost 25 pounds. I feel great!! But there was a time when I felt fat and ugly and didn't want to be touched. Even though I lost the weight and feel so much better about my body, I still kinda feel that way. How can I get over it?
-The no-kid thing. We both do not want children. I have been on birth control pills and they all reak havoc on my body. I've been on 7 different kinds. We used to use condoms and a lot of the time, we didn't use anything. This would make me very, VERY nervous... almost to the point of where I couldn't relax. To me, I equal having sex to getting pregnant and that terrifies me! It terrifies me to the point of not wanting sex at all.
I love my husband very much. Other aspects in our relationship are great... but I know this one is a biggie, so I am hoping someone can give me some insight... any help at all is greatly appreciated. Thankyou.
if you know your reasons for not having sex- then there's half of it. There are other bc options- as i am sure you know- a UTI can be installed and then you never have to think about it. . .for example. but if you both don't want kids, why doesn't he get a vasectomy? I am from Canada, and my husband hasn't had one- so forgive me if there is a HUGE cost associated with the procedure in the US- I don't even know what it costs here.
For help on your body image- you need some postive self talk- right? your husband can't fix that.
Sex isn't just about making babies- it's about being a healthy couple- so it's worth getting back on track. Your husband may assume you don' t want it b/c of your past and is sick of getting turned down....you may need to do the initiating. then you could do it your way-- low lighting or something that might make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
AND congrats on the weightloss- that is a true accomplishment!
