Quote From: carefulnowMy husband and I have been married a little over two years. In May, he quit his job of nearly 25 years because it was too stressful. At the time, he got a part time job in a temporary position which only lasted a few months.
Now when I even mention anything to my husband about getting work, he gets defensive and says I'm being mean. I've only said something twice in the last three months but my husband says my body language says something every day.
We don't have good health insurance because we can't afford it, we don't have a nice vehicle or money in the bank, we don't take vacations and we even opted out of celebrating Christmas this year because of a lack of money. I'm even paying the bills (credit card) from my husband's last marriage.
I told my husband I can't go on living like this and he is very upset with me. Help, what should I do?
You need to sit him down and just lay it all out for him. Let him know where y'all stand financially (all credit cards, utilities, gas, groceries, cable, internet, etc). He needs to know what bills there are, amount due and when they are due. If you are behind on anything he needs to know. Let him know that you are also concerned about medical insurance and you would like to establish an emergency savings account of $1000 until all debts are paid. After that, you want to save for retirement.
Do not blame him or anything because he'll just shut down and not hear you. Sounds like he is going thru some sort of toddler stage and you know how 2 year olds can be. Have a solution ready and tell him what it is. For example: Honey, we can't pay the bills we have and I can't get anymore overtime at work. Therefore, you are going to have to bring home an income for us to make ends meet. You will need to bring home a minimum of x amout of dollars. If you bring home 2x then we can pay off these debts faster and retire sooner.
Don't tell him what job to get or anything - let him do all that on his own (gives him a sense of control and power). Remember, right now he is going thru something and needs your support. Be careful of your body language and let him know you are here to support him no matter what. You said he worked at one job for 25 years and quit due to stress so we can rule out "deadbeat". Be supportive but firm.
Good Luck - I hope things work out for the best.
