Replies to '12/28 Hobo Daddy'

Good job with the encouragement!  I would encourage Kayla as well... but move on, hon.  Live your own life and look to your future!

It's true about most homeless men, who are able bodied.  Unfortunately, they get into using substance as a coping mechanism for the tough things in life.  Perhaps they have unresolved losses or grief which they don't know how to deal with in healthy way.  So, they choose to use drugs or alcohol to escape the pain of who they are and what they can't handle in life.  Like Jerry talking about going a big drunk after his son and mother died. 

But, the fact is, these people are capable of knowing that they make wrong choices.  They are NOT mentally ill, for the most part.  They just make bad choices that affect their lives.  Many times, however, they shift the blame to someone else instead of admitting full responsibility for their choices.  Like when Jerry said he wouldn't have taken off if Kayla's mom hadn't gone after him for the unpaid child support.  He's attempting to shift his own responsibility for not financially supporting his kids, or for leaving them, onto their mother.  Easier, in their mind, to blame others for their own shortcomings than fearfully, and honestly facing them and changing it. 

The bottom line here is they would rather live their full lives in the consequences of bad choices, rather than make decisions to change their behavior for the better.  It's like the old joke:  "How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?  Just one!  But it has to REALLY want to change!"  I agree with Kayla's perspective that Jerry didn't deserve the attention he received in the documentary film.  They may not have glorified his lifestyle so much as they garnered sympathy for him, when no sympathy was EARNED.  His choices, and the consequences of them, were his own.  BTW, for those of you holding the position that this sounds "judgmental" to say, I don't believe it's so.   Even Jesus, when confronted with a sick man, asked him "Do you WANT to be well?"  He gave of Himself and the healing power of God in a "tough" loving manner!   Most of the men on the streets like Jerry DON'T want to be well.  This is why their lives are the way they are.

Kayla, I hope you know that no matter how much strength and bravery you have, Jerry will never change, because of the fear within him.  Instead of wasting energy on being angry with him, turn that energy into a positive for you and let it go.  Pray for him instead.

Good luck and God Bless!

R