Replies to '06/25 "What's Age Got to Do with It?"'

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  What is your life like?  Have you accomplished some things that you wanted to by the time you reach 50?  Have you established a family?  Are you happy with your life in general?  The reason I ask is because those things have been so important to me.  I will also turn 50 this year.  I started my family at a very young age (18), I've been married (sometimes happily and sometimes unhappily) to the same man for almost 32 years, I have 3 grown children and 5 grandchildren.  I did not work much outside of the home as the kids were growing up.  I also didn't think much about nurturing myself.

I've been told I'm a "hot" grandma, but it wasn't always so, LOL!  I have finally started to nurture myself and it shows.  I've learned to say "no" more often to demands on my time.  I have found passionate pursuits that nurture my soul.  Sometimes I don't even actually get around to doing them, but just knowing that they are there is wonderful!  For example, I've found that I love photography, and I'm good at it!  Even if I wasn't good at it, the fact that I feel passionate about it is what is important; that is what has brought the satisfaction and healing that I needed. 

I would like to look my best for my age, but I don't want to look like I'm 35 again.  That would be holding onto the past.  To live in the present for me means to love who I am and who I've become.  I've earned these wrinkles, these stretch marks, this tummy that has expanded a bit to help me keep up my estrogen levels naturally.  When I'm getting dressed in the morning I make it a point to look in a full length mirror and tell my body that I like it.  And I do it even though I'm somewhat overweight, have some loose skin from past weight loss, and a few wrinkles and lumps and bumps here and there.  My aging body is not my enemy any more than my granddaughter's pre-adolescent body is her enemy.  We are just ever changings.  We were not meant to stay the same.  The only way it can feel like our enemy is if we try to hold onto the past.  If we let the past go then it becomes much easier to embrace who we are becoming. 

Try to think of the things you have accomplished in your life.  Maybe you've had a great career, or you've raised a family, and devoted all of your energy to that as I have.  Now try to take some time for you.  Find your passion, something that transcends your physical body, and feeds that young girl inside of you.  She'll always be there and it's your job to nuture her.  Think of some older people that you admire and figure out what it is that you admire about them.  I'll bet it has little to do with how they look. 

As far as your body goes, find out what really looks good on YOU.  Find your best style and stick to it.  If I find a shirt that flatters my shape I buy one in my three best colors...LOL!  Think classic rather than trendy.  Add a trendy accessory here and there to keep yourself up-to-date, but for your basic wardrobe, keep it classic.  Find a pair of jeans that really fit and flatter you...buy two!  If money is an issue, don't forget about the thrift stores.  It takes a lot of time to find what you are looking for, but the hunt can be a fun one. 

Take good care of your skin.  I have found a line of natural skin care products that work beautifully for me and have taken a good 5 years off of my face.  They are not expensive either!  Another tip is to take good quality supplements.  I take a fist full every day.  My doctor chuckles at me, but I feel great, and I didn't feel great in my late 30s and early 40s because I have fibromyalgia and CFIDS.  I believe that they've also helped my skin a great deal.  I have found an online source with very reasonably priced supplements. 

Guard your sleep.  Sleep is nature's spa in my opinion.  You need good quality sleep and a good amount of it.  Because I don't work outside of the home I have a huge luxury here.  I can sleep as long as I need to.  But do try to get your sleep.  It makes a world of difference in how you look.  Take a short, hot bath before bed each night to prepare your body for sleep, then slide into the most luxurious sheets that you can afford.  You are worth it!  And luxury doesn't have to be expensive.  I buy my luxury sheets at TJ Maxx and they are never over $40 a set. 

Exercise, or at least pursue a gentle art, like Tai Chi or Qi Gong.  This is my most challenging area.  I really struggle with it and hope to do better this year.  I'd also like to learn to meditate. 

Well, those are my ideas for you.  I hope that one or two of them will help.  Every time you think of yourself as getting older, try to give it some perspective.  For example, what would you say to a 6 or 7 year old that was disappointed that they couldn't look like a baby any longer?  It would simply be impossible and unreasonable, right?  How's that any different than you wanted to continue to looking just as you do now?  It isn't reasonable.  What is reasonable is to take care of yourself, and look your daily best as you continue to age, and to love who you are becoming.   The important part of yourself right now is that teenage girl that you abandoned at about age 14 to impress the boys (or other girls depending on your sexual orientation).  She needs to be nurtured. 

Take care and here's an early "Happy Birthday!" 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  What is your life like?  Have you accomplished some things that you wanted to by the time you reach 50?  Have you established a family?  Are you happy with your life in general?  The reason I ask is because those things have been so important to me.  I will also turn 50 this year.  I started my family at a very young age (18), I've been married (sometimes happily and sometimes unhappily) to the same man for almost 32 years, I have 3 grown children and 5 grandchildren.  I did not work much outside of the home as the kids were growing up.  I also didn't think much about nurturing myself.

I've been told I'm a "hot" grandma, but it wasn't always so, LOL!  I have finally started to nurture myself and it shows.  I've learned to say "no" more often to demands on my time.  I have found passionate pursuits that nurture my soul.  Sometimes I don't even actually get around to doing them, but just knowing that they are there is wonderful!  For example, I've found that I love photography, and I'm good at it!  Even if I wasn't good at it, the fact that I feel passionate about it is what is important; that is what has brought the satisfaction and healing that I needed. 

I would like to look my best for my age, but I don't want to look like I'm 35 again.  That would be holding onto the past.  To live in the present for me means to love who I am and who I've become.  I've earned these wrinkles, these stretch marks, this tummy that has expanded a bit to help me keep up my estrogen levels naturally.  When I'm getting dressed in the morning I make it a point to look in a full length mirror and tell my body that I like it.  And I do it even though I'm somewhat overweight, have some loose skin from past weight loss, and a few wrinkles and lumps and bumps here and there.  My aging body is not my enemy any more than my granddaughter's pre-adolescent body is her enemy.  We are just ever changings.  We were not meant to stay the same.  The only way it can feel like our enemy is if we try to hold onto the past.  If we let the past go then it becomes much easier to embrace who we are becoming. 

Try to think of the things you have accomplished in your life.  Maybe you've had a great career, or you've raised a family, and devoted all of your energy to that as I have.  Now try to take some time for you.  Find your passion, something that transcends your physical body, and feeds that young girl inside of you.  She'll always be there and it's your job to nuture her.  Think of some older people that you admire and figure out what it is that you admire about them.  I'll bet it has little to do with how they look. 

As far as your body goes, find out what really looks good on YOU.  Find your best style and stick to it.  If I find a shirt that flatters my shape I buy one in my three best colors...LOL!  Think classic rather than trendy.  Add a trendy accessory here and there to keep yourself up-to-date, but for your basic wardrobe, keep it classic.  Find a pair of jeans that really fit and flatter you...buy two!  If money is an issue, don't forget about the thrift stores.  It takes a lot of time to find what you are looking for, but the hunt can be a fun one. 

Take good care of your skin.  I have found a line of natural skin care products that work beautifully for me and have taken a good 5 years off of my face.  They are not expensive either!  Another tip is to take good quality supplements.  I take a fist full every day.  My doctor chuckles at me, but I feel great, and I didn't feel great in my late 30s and early 40s because I have fibromyalgia and CFIDS.  I believe that they've also helped my skin a great deal.  I have found an online source with very reasonably priced supplements. 

Guard your sleep.  Sleep is nature's spa in my opinion.  You need good quality sleep and a good amount of it.  Because I don't work outside of the home I have a huge luxury here.  I can sleep as long as I need to.  But do try to get your sleep.  It makes a world of difference in how you look.  Take a short, hot bath before bed each night to prepare your body for sleep, then slide into the most luxurious sheets that you can afford.  You are worth it!  And luxury doesn't have to be expensive.  I buy my luxury sheets at TJ Maxx and they are never over $40 a set. 

Exercise, or at least pursue a gentle art, like Tai Chi or Qi Gong.  This is my most challenging area.  I really struggle with it and hope to do better this year.  I'd also like to learn to meditate. 

Well, those are my ideas for you.  I hope that one or two of them will help.  Every time you think of yourself as getting older, try to give it some perspective.  For example, what would you say to a 6 or 7 year old that was disappointed that they couldn't look like a baby any longer?  It would simply be impossible and unreasonable, right?  How's that any different than you wanted to continue to looking just as you do now?  It isn't reasonable.  What is reasonable is to take care of yourself, and look your daily best as you continue to age, and to love who you are becoming.   The important part of yourself right now is that teenage girl that you abandoned at about age 14 to impress the boys (or other girls depending on your sexual orientation).  She needs to be nurtured. 

Take care and here's an early "Happy Birthday!"