Replies to '01/08 Cyber Bullies'

Sad to say, it doesn't work.  Not consistently, and not against all kinds of bullies.

When I was in jr. high, I was a complete pacifist, very shy, non-confrontational, and live-and-let-live.  This girl who led the gang of popular kids decided to pick on me.  When I ignored the first several provocations, she stepped it up, and she kept stepping it up.  When it became physical, I tried reporting it to a teacher I trusted, but it was my word against hers, and her gang backed her up, so I was punished for "lying" about the incidents.  Finally, one of her friends told her I'd been overheard making some kind of nasty remark about her, and Nicky used that as an excuse to beat me up.  I was trapped by her gang in the girls' changing room, surrounded, and when I refused to hit back and tried to escape, shoved back into Nicky, which was then used as an excuse to hit me even harder.

I took punches to both eyes, the ribs, my nose, both lips were split, I was bleeding on the floor and still not hitting her back, and it ONLY fueled her rage (because, of course, my pacifism only exposed her for the bully she was, rather than demonstrating her fighting prowess.)

The beating, and subsequently the harassment, stopped when I finally hit her back ... one, two, that was all, something snapped when I saw my blood on the floor ... and managed to knock her cold.  I paid for hitting her back, after taking her beating, by being threatened with a 3-day suspension.  Nicky wasn't punished, the theory being that since I'd knocked her out, I was the one bullying.

Details aside, think about the lessons all this taught me (or would have, had I not had competent, compassionate parents).  I did all the things I should have done right up to the point where I hit back, and the "system" only rewarded me with punishment and allowing Nicky to continue terrorizing me.  The individual incidents were mostly trivial, until the day of the beating.  And when I did finally defend myself physically, I was again punished as though I was the aggressor.

Love doesn't do it, I'm afraid, nor do hugs. Bullies get off on feeling superior by dragging others down, whether that's intellectually, physically, emotionally... sometimes they just get a rush of power over controlling others, or getting away with indulging some kind of bad behavior.  The anonymity of the Internet only makes this more possible, easier... what is needed is a sure-fire way to trace cyber-bullies, to record and report their bullying actions, and meaningful consequences.  If all that happens is, their current account is banned, but they can easily open a new one under a different name, they will shrug off the punishment and get another jump of joy that they are eluding the system.

I believe we should all have a "Internet ID card", something verified to tie to our real name and location, just like a Drivers License, without which no site, free or paid, will permit registration.  As long as we behave ourselves, our anonymity is maintained, but the site managers can use this information to either ban those who bully, or even blacklist them from the entire 'Net.  *There* is a consequence any bully would pay attention to.