Quote From: goodlisnrI'm so sorry for your loss. I was widowed with a young child too, a few years ago now. Similarily my relationship with my mother was much the same as your own. I also had first-hand experience of what it felt like to be the "lesser" child. (Whatever a young child can do to earn/deserve such a title and all that comes with it, I'm still not sure to this day.) I understand that finances will be difficult while you persue your education; however, I'd urge you to be very careful. The cost of staying in her environment could be high , both for you and your son. I know you want a childhood for him that includes colouring " outside the lines" if he chooses. You mentioned "she" hates your in-laws. Surely it's your feelings about them that matter ultimately; especially if they could be of financial assisance, or provide alternate accommodation. With a young child to bring up alone, and a spouse to grief, you need all the hugs you can get.I hope you have friends in your world to give them freely and often. Good luck.
goodlisnr
Your post "hit" home with me and yes, you are so right about staying in that ENVIRONMENT. At age 40 (now 49, will be 50 this year), I finally realized that both my daughter's (she is 21, only child) father's family and my family WERE NOT CHANGING and I had to make a decision once she went away to college to REMOVE myself from their environment. As I look back at the tears, the hurt, the depression, the wanting to not live any more, trying suicide once - I don't want that for my daughter! I have shared with her my experiences throughout my life, both positive and negative in the hopes that I can save her some of the "heartache" I went through. I had to ACCEPT that she chooses to still interact with both sets of family, but I have to "tune out" the hurt and anger she feels as I told her, IT IS HER CHOICE TO DEAL WITH THEM. She had made the comment that she wants me at her college graduation in 2009, at her wedding and of course at her babies birth - yes, I will be there, but I REFUSE to ALLOW the family that will be there to CANCEL out the hard work I have done to get myself mentally healthy. It is possible and I urge everyone to seek out an environment that is healthy for both yourself and those minor kids. Once they become adults, we have to "let go" and "let them" figure out things for themselves. Hopefully my 21 year old only child will figure this out for herself and not allow herself to go through what I went throug for TOO MANY years. Thans for sharing!
