Replies to 'Balancing Marriage and Family'

Quote From: jettav

I would suggest that you make the first move here, set up a time when it can be just you and your wife and start by letting her know how you feel about her, that you love and care for her and that you want your marriage to be for a life time( I think that is what you want and feel), you need to communicate with her on how it makes you feel when she does the things/act the way she does and you need to allow her to do the same with you, get all this out in the opened then discuss solutions, (did you let her know ahead of time that you were going out with your brother,or did you just tell her then leave?) Set up date nights that is specifically for her and unless there is an emergency, neither of you can plan something different for that night. You should also encourage her to go out with a friend once in a while and let her know that she is top priority as well as the children but you need time with your brother as well. Marriage is a committment between two people and takes 100% on both peoples side to make it work, communication and respect are very imporant and we must learn how to balance our marriage/family/work,friends. My husabnd and I always tell each other a head of time of individual plans and we always make sure that there isn't already something planned, I know how it feels to have had a quiet evening planned with my hubby or a special night out then he come home and tell me of some other plan that I had absolutely no knowledge of, it really does leave room for some resentment, but when I talked to him about how it made me feel and why it upset me, we learned to communicate more and to respect the other with the making of plans. Maybe even send her flowers or something once in a while to confirm your love to her, which I am sure you do things like this already. Hopefully sitting her down and talking with her and getting her suggestions/ideas will help, maybe then she will sense that you are trying to put her and her feelings ahead of other things and maybe she will see the imporance of having other relationships as well. Also, how many hours do you work? My husabnd works two jobs and til just this week, he has had to work every single day, the only time we had time to gether was wed and thurs evening and Saturday mornings and of course because we have two little ones, they need to spend time with him as well, this went on for about a year and I know the feelings that I had were of lonliness and even a littel resentment that I had no personal time with him, only when he was tuckered out basically, doesn't make for much of a marriage, and though we love and respect one another and never had the feeling of leaving one another, it was a very trying time, now, I don't know what the whole situation is within your home, but could your wife be feeling lonliness or even neglected? I know you said she has always wanted attention but what is your current life style like? How much time do you really have with her? I do understand where you are coming from and I sense that you love all your family and just don't know how to balance your time and make everyone happy, including yourself, my husband has been in that same situation and though it didn't change over night, we worked it out, still have our moments but things are much better and I think it is becasue of the communication and date nights and the little things he does for me and our girls.