My daughter and I have about the same relationship. I too am at wits ends. It is hard not to react when someone is swearing and hitting you, punching wholes in your walls, breaking windows. I try to ignore the out bursts. I tell her I cannot talk to her when she using that tone of voice with me. She badges me, hits me, screams in my face, taunting me. Treatening me. She acts like she is in control, and believe me at the time she is.
I have regained control however, the first step is counseling. If the child will not go, the adult must. You need someone to talk to and listen. SET THE RULES and don't give in not an inch or its over, they have regained control. YES it hurts, your life would be easier if you just give in to the tyrants but this is not good for either party or your family. GET READY TO LOSE EVERY THING. Tell your boss, take a family leave, change your shift at work. DO WHATEVER it takes to regain control.
I have put my teenager on PINS, she has a probation officer, or a mediator. When she gets suspended at school, she grounded at home. This means no phone, no computer and certainly no hanging out with her friends. The probation department will take care of the drug problems. She will have to get drug counseling if she is caught using.
I call her friends family members, I tell them that my child is at risk. She sneaks out, uses drugs and at 15 she is having sex. I know my daugher doesn't like it but I feel that other parents need to know what these kids are up too. Believe me, she does not do these things by herself.
The screaming has not stopped. But I don't scream back. I sit in a chair and listen. I do not respond. Then when she is done screaming I inform her that she broke the rules and the consequences are:
After about a month, the screaming has lessened, not completely gone. I always end with "I am sorry you don't like the rules, but I am the parent, I love you and your behavior is unacceptable. No there will be no extra money this week as you have not earned it. To earn extra money you must not talk in a loud voice, swear or be disrespectful to any adult. Ypu must clean your room. You must help with the laundry.
If any one has better ways to stop the screaming and swearing I am willing tolisten. I am tired of living in a battle field.
