Replies to '01/14 "At War with My Teen"'
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January 14, 2008, 1:15 pm PST
 Quote From: rhondamccardle PLEASE! Send him to me for two weeks. I am sure there is a lot of good in him. He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps. Once all of his energy is out he will act right! Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes! Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to. Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it! Just engage him in some physical activities with other parents and kids around so he can see how NORMAL people act! If he wants to stay out of the mental hospitals and jails he will listen up, straighten up and fly right! If not, let him suffer the consequences. PS: his step dad should not have to discipline or deal with him negatively at all since that is your job MOM!!! Stop getting mad and get happy. Tell him nicely what will make you happy. Tell him exactly without sarcasm what you need him to do. Then walk away and let him do it. If he CHOOSES not to do it, consequence time! 17 yr old appropraite consequence is that every time his friends call for him on the phone for the next two weeks you tell them various reasons why he cannot come to the phone like 1) He was playing in the mud outside and a worm crawled up his butt so he is bed ridden for a while and cannot come to the phone then hang up. Once word gets around and he sees you are not playing around he will CHOOSE the best outcome for himself. Dont get mad...get happy! Believe me, even if it does not work you will still have a little smirk on your face knowing he did not get away with it either! Also, this puts a little fun into your relationship with him...that will keep him coming back for your advice...he will see how smart you can be and how quickly you can let your PRIDE go and he will think you are very wise and start to treat you with admiration instead of disrespect. The whole disrespect thing is because he is mad at you for NOT LISTENING and NOT HEARING HIS SIDE before you pronounce judgement. LISTEN TO HIS LONG DRAWN STORY then pronounce judgement. It will probably be the same pronouncement but he will respect it because YOU LISTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, I just wanted to clear up the fact that I actually know Mike and he is involved in sports etc which is where I know him from. He's a good guy and I honestly can only think to blame his mom. |
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January 14, 2008, 4:06 pm PST
Quote From: rhondamccardle PLEASE! Send him to me for two weeks. I am sure there is a lot of good in him. He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps. Once all of his energy is out he will act right! Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes! Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to. Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it! Just engage him in some physical activities with other parents and kids around so he can see how NORMAL people act! If he wants to stay out of the mental hospitals and jails he will listen up, straighten up and fly right! If not, let him suffer the consequences. PS: his step dad should not have to discipline or deal with him negatively at all since that is your job MOM!!! Stop getting mad and get happy. Tell him nicely what will make you happy. Tell him exactly without sarcasm what you need him to do. Then walk away and let him do it. If he CHOOSES not to do it, consequence time! 17 yr old appropraite consequence is that every time his friends call for him on the phone for the next two weeks you tell them various reasons why he cannot come to the phone like 1) He was playing in the mud outside and a worm crawled up his butt so he is bed ridden for a while and cannot come to the phone then hang up. Once word gets around and he sees you are not playing around he will CHOOSE the best outcome for himself. Dont get mad...get happy! Believe me, even if it does not work you will still have a little smirk on your face knowing he did not get away with it either! Also, this puts a little fun into your relationship with him...that will keep him coming back for your advice...he will see how smart you can be and how quickly you can let your PRIDE go and he will think you are very wise and start to treat you with admiration instead of disrespect. The whole disrespect thing is because he is mad at you for NOT LISTENING and NOT HEARING HIS SIDE before you pronounce judgement. LISTEN TO HIS LONG DRAWN STORY then pronounce judgement. It will probably be the same pronouncement but he will respect it because YOU LISTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
" He just needs some push ups, sit ups and laps?". You've got to be
kidding about this. And why would you tell his friends that a worm
crawled up his butt?!? He has enough to deal with at home, why would he
need to be made fun of at school? That wouldn't bring him any closer to
his Mom. It's ridiculous. As a Mom of a teenager who has severe Asperger's Syndrome and loses control frequently, I can't believe that you're not more compassionate. |
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January 15, 2008, 3:08 pm PST
Quote From: rhondamccardle PLEASE! Send him to me for two weeks. I am sure there is a lot of good in him. He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps. Once all of his energy is out he will act right! Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes! Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to. Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it! Just engage him in some physical activities with other parents and kids around so he can see how NORMAL people act! If he wants to stay out of the mental hospitals and jails he will listen up, straighten up and fly right! If not, let him suffer the consequences. PS: his step dad should not have to discipline or deal with him negatively at all since that is your job MOM!!! Stop getting mad and get happy. Tell him nicely what will make you happy. Tell him exactly without sarcasm what you need him to do. Then walk away and let him do it. If he CHOOSES not to do it, consequence time! 17 yr old appropraite consequence is that every time his friends call for him on the phone for the next two weeks you tell them various reasons why he cannot come to the phone like 1) He was playing in the mud outside and a worm crawled up his butt so he is bed ridden for a while and cannot come to the phone then hang up. Once word gets around and he sees you are not playing around he will CHOOSE the best outcome for himself. Dont get mad...get happy! Believe me, even if it does not work you will still have a little smirk on your face knowing he did not get away with it either! Also, this puts a little fun into your relationship with him...that will keep him coming back for your advice...he will see how smart you can be and how quickly you can let your PRIDE go and he will think you are very wise and start to treat you with admiration instead of disrespect. The whole disrespect thing is because he is mad at you for NOT LISTENING and NOT HEARING HIS SIDE before you pronounce judgement. LISTEN TO HIS LONG DRAWN STORY then pronounce judgement. It will probably be the same pronouncement but he will respect it because YOU LISTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it does not work, you will have a little smirk on your face! What kind of parenting tool is that? It's a good idea to listen but if you're then going around smirking at your child, all the listening is to no avail. That smirk proves you don't care about what he/she has to say. What bad advice! And "worm crawled up his butt," what is that about? How immature. Why not just say "He is on detention for misbehaving." You sound off the wall to me. |
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January 16, 2008, 8:11 pm PST
Quote From: rhondamccardle PLEASE! Send him to me for two weeks. I am sure there is a lot of good in him. He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps. Once all of his energy is out he will act right! Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes! Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to. Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it! Just engage him in some physical activities with other parents and kids around so he can see how NORMAL people act! If he wants to stay out of the mental hospitals and jails he will listen up, straighten up and fly right! If not, let him suffer the consequences. PS: his step dad should not have to discipline or deal with him negatively at all since that is your job MOM!!! Stop getting mad and get happy. Tell him nicely what will make you happy. Tell him exactly without sarcasm what you need him to do. Then walk away and let him do it. If he CHOOSES not to do it, consequence time! 17 yr old appropraite consequence is that every time his friends call for him on the phone for the next two weeks you tell them various reasons why he cannot come to the phone like 1) He was playing in the mud outside and a worm crawled up his butt so he is bed ridden for a while and cannot come to the phone then hang up. Once word gets around and he sees you are not playing around he will CHOOSE the best outcome for himself. Dont get mad...get happy! Believe me, even if it does not work you will still have a little smirk on your face knowing he did not get away with it either! Also, this puts a little fun into your relationship with him...that will keep him coming back for your advice...he will see how smart you can be and how quickly you can let your PRIDE go and he will think you are very wise and start to treat you with admiration instead of disrespect. The whole disrespect thing is because he is mad at you for NOT LISTENING and NOT HEARING HIS SIDE before you pronounce judgement. LISTEN TO HIS LONG DRAWN STORY then pronounce judgement. It will probably be the same pronouncement but he will respect it because YOU LISTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While this sounds so simple......enroll them in sports, dish out consequences, it is not always that black and white.. I have a 16 year old daughter that displays alot of the same anger issues that this young man does, and I am nothing like that mother, however I do understand how she has let herself come to this, it takes alot of hard work not to let that happen. This is not the first time it has happened. She is physically abusive, and will try to lie her way out of anything.. When she is happy, she is a wonderful, loving asset to our home, but if you tell her no when she wants a yes, or impose a rule........look out!
As far as enrolling them in sports, been there done that. My daughter has been on the softball team........quit that. The volleyball team.......got kicked off when she got caught stealing from a teammate....The cheerleading squad, got kicked off for ditiching practices to run around town. You can make all of this available to them, but is doesn't mean sure success.
My husband and I have chosen for me to stay at home with our children so they would always have a parent here for them. I am always here for my daughter and have made that known to her on a regular basis. Even though we go through this with her, I never let a day go by without telling her I love her. Have I been the perfect parent in dealing with all of this, surely not. But I have been constant in trying to improve whatever behaviors I exhibit that might make the situation worse.
I really feel for this mother. I feel like she does not know any other options in dealing with this kind of behavior. I compeletly understand her pain as it is pain that I feel everyday.
Just know that there are kids who are violent, angry, and abusive, whose parents do take an active role in trying to help the family, but, as in my case, rescources can be so limited, you can only do what you can do. I thank God for the good days and pray to Him to help me through the bad. People that don't have kids going through this find it so easy just to point at the parents, and I find that sad. It keeps the kids from getting the help that they need. |
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January 18, 2008, 6:28 am PST
Quote From: rhondamccardle PLEASE! Send him to me for two weeks. I am sure there is a lot of good in him. He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps. Once all of his energy is out he will act right! Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes! Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to. Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it! Just engage him in some physical activities with other parents and kids around so he can see how NORMAL people act! If he wants to stay out of the mental hospitals and jails he will listen up, straighten up and fly right! If not, let him suffer the consequences. PS: his step dad should not have to discipline or deal with him negatively at all since that is your job MOM!!! Stop getting mad and get happy. Tell him nicely what will make you happy. Tell him exactly without sarcasm what you need him to do. Then walk away and let him do it. If he CHOOSES not to do it, consequence time! 17 yr old appropraite consequence is that every time his friends call for him on the phone for the next two weeks you tell them various reasons why he cannot come to the phone like 1) He was playing in the mud outside and a worm crawled up his butt so he is bed ridden for a while and cannot come to the phone then hang up. Once word gets around and he sees you are not playing around he will CHOOSE the best outcome for himself. Dont get mad...get happy! Believe me, even if it does not work you will still have a little smirk on your face knowing he did not get away with it either! Also, this puts a little fun into your relationship with him...that will keep him coming back for your advice...he will see how smart you can be and how quickly you can let your PRIDE go and he will think you are very wise and start to treat you with admiration instead of disrespect. The whole disrespect thing is because he is mad at you for NOT LISTENING and NOT HEARING HIS SIDE before you pronounce judgement. LISTEN TO HIS LONG DRAWN STORY then pronounce judgement. It will probably be the same pronouncement but he will respect it because YOU LISTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE! Send him to me for two weeks. I am sure there is a lot of good in him. He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps. Once all of his energy is out he will act right! Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes! Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to. Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it!
OMG I am so sick of people that say things like that, in fact blaming the parents for what is wrong. My kids are in sports. Ignore it, well when the child follows you from room to room yelling at you, calling you names for sometimes hours and you can't get away from them...See obviously you have no idea, so until you live the life don't judge.... |
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