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Replies to 'Breaking Up'
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August 24, 2007, 12:55 am PDT
 Quote From: dawgylama I've been dating a guy for six months. When we first started dating we hit it off so well it was uncanny. We are so much alike in so many important areas, there is a spiritual, intellectual and physical connection. However ater a few months when we were on a trip together and he introduced me to his friends as "a friend" I started to wonder what was going and started to question him. Each time I was assured that he felt something or we wouldn't be dating it was just his work and other factors that prevented us from spending more time together. I knew that if he really felt as I do that nothing would prevent him from showing his feelings yet I kept trying. Now at the six month mark he is finally telling me what I have known for some time, Iam "everything he's always THOUGHT he wanted in a woman but he's not FEELING it". HE too says he doesn't want to lose our friendsship and that he is closer to me than he has been to anyone other than his ex-wife but he just doesn't see the realtionship advancing any further because that "spark" is missing for him. It hurts right now and there are those mixed singles that make it even more difficult but I know that if he doesn't say "I love you" that he doesn't love me like I do him. Not only is he not ready to commit he's not ready to commit with ME that is something I have to face. I can't try to understand him because it will never make sense what I can do is feel the feelings and learn my lesson. i am going through the EXACT same thing. You have to let go. Does that mean never see him again. No. Here is what you should do. 1) Tell him you understand that it is not his fault he does not feel the same, but that romance makes you feel happy and you are going to remain his friend and date other people. 2) Really stay his friend, but do not call him, email him, or text him. Within a couple of weeks, or months, he will contact you, I promise. When he does, be polite and short and maybe plan a cup of coffee somewhere. Hopefully during that time, you have grown and moved on and while you have that coffee, you will think "what did i see in him anyway?" And maybe the friendship will start to grow. 3) While you are apart, allow yourself to be sad and hurting and embrace those feelings. this will get the spotlight off him and on you and will help you to stop obsessing. Turn your back to the past and look at the present and future. Have faith. Faith in God and yourself. When you hurt, remember that you hurt will him too and this will have an end at least. Maybe the end will be back with him on your terms only, maybe the end will be with someone new, maybe the end will be with you finding happiness in yourself. You can do this. I am doing it now and we can do it together. |
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