Replies to 'The Other Woman'

Honey, your MM loves his wife.  There are always two sides to every story and I bet you haven't heard her side.  My MM was always honest with me about his wife.  I knew he loved her and I also loved my husband.  Neither of us wanted to be "found out".  Why we fooled around is still a mystery to me!  One thing I've learned is, it is very painful for everybody, especially the other woman.  I've lost alot of my self esteem and it sounds like you have too.  I hope we both can get it back.  My advise to you is to forget him, find someone who loves you, not just loves having sex with you.   

You may not be the actual one who had the affair with my husband, but you wrote exactly what happened with my husband and I. (even the amount of months involved and the dates included)

   You DON'T know my end of the story. You think that we wives are somehow not loving or giving our husbands what they need. PLEASE.

   After 20 years of marriage, I had tried everything within my power to try to be a good wife to my husband. He would not in any way have any type of emotional connection with me, let alone any kind of sexual consistency. He has had a sexual problem since he was a teenager. This he ALWAYS blamed on which ever girlfriend that came " before" the one he was currently dating. When he met YOU, he then blamed it on me.

      He always is and was a "blamer". He blames everything that happens to him on everything and everyone else. I have watched as dozens upon dozens of people have fallen away from him because of him "using" them, and then "blaming them" when the relationship goes sour.

   When he met you (or someone in your shoes), he was in a mid-life crisis. He had been promising me for over 14 years that once he finished his Phd, we could finally have the life that we always wanted to have together. So, I sacrificed, and scrimped and did without, while waiting for him to "make good" on his promises. THEY NEVER CAME. When this young girl came into our lives (half our age), he feel head over heels. I knew right from the start, and tried everything I could to get it to stop. He REFUSED. I lost my entire self esteem, my pride, and anything else that I ever had. He kept EVERYTHING, including all the money from the sale of the house, all our posessions, and money. I was living out of my sisters house, and out of my car. Plus, I had a pain condition on top of it. How's that for your wonderful man? I finally resorted to BEGGING AND then SCREAMING because I was so angry and hurt. My life was totally destroyed.

    Please don't say how much this man is fooled by his wife. You are being fooled BY HIM. And, YES, he can be VERY CHARMING. That is why I fell in love with him too. He did the same to me. But, he lied to you, and he lied to me. Would you really want to continue a relationship with a man who has done nothing but lied to you right from the start?

    It has now been almost 2 years since we've been seperate. I am still very, very hurt, and my life will NEVER be the same. My husband is in counseling and knows NOW HOW MUCH HURT he has caused everyone. But, it is STILL not enough guilt to REALLY want to change. How sad for us ALL.

The wife, Dede7007

My question for you is what did you tell yourself to let yourself get involved with a married man?  Remember that you KNEW about the wife, he didn't keep her a secret from you... in the same he kept you a secret from his wife because he KNEW that he could lose her if she found out.  He cared more about his wife then you would let yourself see.  You allowed yourself to be party to a vow that was made between two people, blessed by God being broken.  I hope that you learned from this and won't let it happen again.

About the change in sex between him and his wife, maybe she always wanted more and he was the one who didn't go for it all the time.  Maybe she was a great wife, but he is a lousy husband.  Men who would cheat on their spouse isn't a good husband to say the least.  If he did it to her, then he will do it to you also, infact that is why you are feeling jealous, you feel he has pushed you aside for another woman.  It is sad to say but he isn't fooled by his wife, you were fooled by him.  You are the one who needs to bow out of the picture and get some of your self respect back.