Replies to '01/24 "I Want Out!"'

I myself have been married for 23 years and have two kids, ages 21& 15.  My husband has a drinking problem.  He would never listen to what I had to say, whenever I wanted to talk about something that was bothering me, he would always start yelling and screaming at me.  He would go into terrible temper tantrums, screaming, yelling, cursing, and when I would try to get away from him he would chase me through the house, cornering me in a room and would hold me against my will.  He would then get out of control with jumping up and down, crying, and screaming.  If I would try and say anything it just got worse.  Many times this happened with the kids in the house.  If something was bothering me and I wanted to discuss it with him, it would always turn into a fight.  It is so lonely living with a man who does not support you or give you the right to express your feelings.  I was not allowed to feel down about anything because no matter what I was feeling, he would always have it far worse than me.  I asked him for a divorce 7 months ago. He is furious with me because he says he has changed and I still want out.  We have talked and he still doesn't understand me one bit.  After years of emotional abuse I don't love him anymore. 

Couples need to treat each other with respect, love, and really listen to the other person, before it's too late...

After 16 plus years married to a man that also told me I was always wrong, he would ask me for my opinion and then always disagree with it and tell me constantly how I was doing things incorrectly.  I reached the end of my rope in the summer of 2006.  I could count on one hand how many times I received a birthday card and/or a gift from him.  The emotional and mental abuse I took from him for so many years had taken their toll and I also reached the "done" stage.  I too went outside the marriage and was seeing someone that made me feel important, listened to my woes and said and did all the "right things", a person I had known for many years. This was not the right way to do things but in the long run had a lot to do with where I am today.

 I had been telling my husband for the last 14 years what I needed from him but again was told I was wrong.  I took to seeing another man and filing for divorce before my husband received "the wake up call".  He said he wanted things to work and went through the "wine and roses" stage trying to "win" me.  I thought this new behavior would be short-lived as many times in the past and after six months of improved behavior I decided maybe it was really worth another shot for I really did love my husband.   At this point I sought out professional help for I had come to the realization that all the things the other guy said and did I wanted from my husband and not another man.  To make a long story shorter we are still together to this day and will celebrate our 19th anniversay this year.  It has taken a lot of work on both our parts but has been well worth it.  It is like living with a new man!

I hope this couple is able to work things out and that he is as sincere as he sounded on the show for it will take a load of work and convincing on his part and acceptance on hers.  Not an easy road to hoe but it can be done.