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Replies to '01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs'
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January 19, 2008, 3:37 pm PST
 Quote From: ozzwood I'm interested how Dr. Phil will portray swingers. Will those millions of people who swing successfully be portrayed in a good light, or are we all to be painted as ruining our family dynamics and ruining our marriages? Reading the synopsis of the show, it sounds like Nita and Walter had problems in their marriage to begin with. These are the drama couples we stay far away from. Any successful swinger single or couple would advise them to fix their marriage before swinging. With Brent and his selfish wants of a threesome, if your spouse refuses to swing, that's it. No means no. There is no room for compromise when one spouse refuses. If he threatens to leave, help him pack his bags. Swinging isn't about being selfish, it's about being selfless. We both want the other to have the experiences of a lifetime. Swinging isn't for everyone, and that's OK. Not everyone is cut out for skydiving, either. Most people can't wrap their heads around the why's or what for's of swinging. You don't have to understand. We do ask you however, to be respectfully tolerant of our lifestyle that we've chosen. I've heard us compared to pedophiles, rapists and murderers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Swinging is not a crime and if it was, it is a victimless one. Nobody gets hurt. It's consensual, safe and sane. I have seen DrP interview swingers before. I would say he is not in favor of swinging. |
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January 19, 2008, 5:38 pm PST
Quote From: ozzwood I'm interested how Dr. Phil will portray swingers. Will those millions of people who swing successfully be portrayed in a good light, or are we all to be painted as ruining our family dynamics and ruining our marriages? Reading the synopsis of the show, it sounds like Nita and Walter had problems in their marriage to begin with. These are the drama couples we stay far away from. Any successful swinger single or couple would advise them to fix their marriage before swinging. With Brent and his selfish wants of a threesome, if your spouse refuses to swing, that's it. No means no. There is no room for compromise when one spouse refuses. If he threatens to leave, help him pack his bags. Swinging isn't about being selfish, it's about being selfless. We both want the other to have the experiences of a lifetime. Swinging isn't for everyone, and that's OK. Not everyone is cut out for skydiving, either. Most people can't wrap their heads around the why's or what for's of swinging. You don't have to understand. We do ask you however, to be respectfully tolerant of our lifestyle that we've chosen. I've heard us compared to pedophiles, rapists and murderers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Swinging is not a crime and if it was, it is a victimless one. Nobody gets hurt. It's consensual, safe and sane. I appreciate that everyone has an opinion but sometimes I think alot of the critism that people have for people who choose to swing is lack of understanding. And lack of understanding is the number one factor in any discrimatory action. With that being said, my husband and I have been in the lifestyle for several years. It has enriched our marriage as opposed to distroying it. I do think it is wrong for anyone to go into this to please their partner or there will be horrible results! This lifestyle, for us atleast, is about sharing our deepest innermost fantasies and experiencing them together. I'm curious about something for those that are so quick to be critical, have you ever has a sexual fantasy that you would not tell either your spouse or partner? My guess is, YES! If your marriage or relationship is better than ours, then why wouldn't you share that with them? That's not to say that this is for everyone because it is not! But for my husband and I, there is absolutely nothing we would not tell eachother, in regard to sex or anything else. There maybe things that I fantasize about but he doesn't share that fantasy or it isn't appealing to him and vice versa but we talk about it, honestly and openly. And we admit, there are somethings that are better left as a fantasy. Another question for those who want to be critical, do you also think it is so horrible for a married couple to watch porno or to engage in the use of sex toys? You see, not everyone has to agree with everyone else but no one has the right to say what consenting adults do. Both myself and my husband are bisexual (I'm sure I opened another can of worms with that one...lol). There is no way to explore that side of our sexuality in a "monogomous" relationship. As for risk of disease, well there is actually a smaller risk, much smaller, in this lifestyle than other choices. You see, we get tested every couple of months, as do our partners and we all have the paperwork to prove it. As for kids, our children are the most important parts of our lives hence the reason we rarely get a chance to go "play" as a couple. We have made the decision to be able to play seperately. Now tell me, how many people have that much trust in their relationship? If you don't, then you do not belong in this lifestyle. And no, we have no intention of one day sitting our kids down and saying, "Guess what mommy and daddy do!". That's insane. I'm sure at some point and time there will be questions and we will answer them honestly according to age appropriateness just like we would with anything else. We don't ask that you agree with our choices but please don't condemn us just as we would not your choices in your life.
Bearcourage |
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January 25, 2008, 8:32 am PST
Quote From: ozzwood I'm interested how Dr. Phil will portray swingers. Will those millions of people who swing successfully be portrayed in a good light, or are we all to be painted as ruining our family dynamics and ruining our marriages? Reading the synopsis of the show, it sounds like Nita and Walter had problems in their marriage to begin with. These are the drama couples we stay far away from. Any successful swinger single or couple would advise them to fix their marriage before swinging. With Brent and his selfish wants of a threesome, if your spouse refuses to swing, that's it. No means no. There is no room for compromise when one spouse refuses. If he threatens to leave, help him pack his bags. Swinging isn't about being selfish, it's about being selfless. We both want the other to have the experiences of a lifetime. Swinging isn't for everyone, and that's OK. Not everyone is cut out for skydiving, either. Most people can't wrap their heads around the why's or what for's of swinging. You don't have to understand. We do ask you however, to be respectfully tolerant of our lifestyle that we've chosen. I've heard us compared to pedophiles, rapists and murderers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Swinging is not a crime and if it was, it is a victimless one. Nobody gets hurt. It's consensual, safe and sane. It's not fair to compare swingers to criminals. It's not against the law, and if you find it morally wrong, don't do it. I totally agree that it isn't for everyone, and the comparison to skydiving is a perfect example. Personally, I wouldn't do either one. I only want to be with my husband, and I have no desire to jump out of an airplane. My personal opinion (for my marriage) is if my husband has sex with someone else today, he's signing divorce papers tomorrow. But monogamy isn't for everyone either. If one partner does not consent, part of being in love is understanding that. Yes, compromise is important, but in a case like Brent's, forcing his wife to go along with it is not the same as a compromise. He's an abuser. He clearly does not respect her or or feelings, and only cares about himself. My advice to her would be forget marriage counseling, kick him out. Things will only get worse if she let's him continue to force her sexually. The part about her children being involved in the conversation, sometimes you can't help it. If I saw my mother crying all the time and saw that she was clearly unhappy, I would want to know why. 17 is old enough to know what sex is, and really, it could be a good learning experience in how not to treat a woman. |
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