Replies to '01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs'
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January 19, 2008, 7:39 pm PST
 Quote From: bearcourage I appreciate that everyone has an opinion but sometimes I think alot of the critism that people have for people who choose to swing is lack of understanding. And lack of understanding is the number one factor in any discrimatory action. With that being said, my husband and I have been in the lifestyle for several years. It has enriched our marriage as opposed to distroying it. I do think it is wrong for anyone to go into this to please their partner or there will be horrible results! This lifestyle, for us atleast, is about sharing our deepest innermost fantasies and experiencing them together. I'm curious about something for those that are so quick to be critical, have you ever has a sexual fantasy that you would not tell either your spouse or partner? My guess is, YES! If your marriage or relationship is better than ours, then why wouldn't you share that with them? That's not to say that this is for everyone because it is not! But for my husband and I, there is absolutely nothing we would not tell eachother, in regard to sex or anything else. There maybe things that I fantasize about but he doesn't share that fantasy or it isn't appealing to him and vice versa but we talk about it, honestly and openly. And we admit, there are somethings that are better left as a fantasy. Another question for those who want to be critical, do you also think it is so horrible for a married couple to watch porno or to engage in the use of sex toys? You see, not everyone has to agree with everyone else but no one has the right to say what consenting adults do. Both myself and my husband are bisexual (I'm sure I opened another can of worms with that one...lol). There is no way to explore that side of our sexuality in a "monogomous" relationship. As for risk of disease, well there is actually a smaller risk, much smaller, in this lifestyle than other choices. You see, we get tested every couple of months, as do our partners and we all have the paperwork to prove it. As for kids, our children are the most important parts of our lives hence the reason we rarely get a chance to go "play" as a couple. We have made the decision to be able to play seperately. Now tell me, how many people have that much trust in their relationship? If you don't, then you do not belong in this lifestyle. And no, we have no intention of one day sitting our kids down and saying, "Guess what mommy and daddy do!". That's insane. I'm sure at some point and time there will be questions and we will answer them honestly according to age appropriateness just like we would with anything else. We don't ask that you agree with our choices but please don't condemn us just as we would not your choices in your life.
Bearcourage As far as I am concerned, what y'all do in the bedroom is your business as long as it is between consenting adults.
As far as your comment regarding a decreased risk of illness, perhaps it would be better qualified were you to make a comparison, eg. visiting prostitutes, one night stands, multiple partners without protection. When compared to strict monagomy or avoidance of sex altogether there is an increased risk. |
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January 25, 2008, 9:38 pm PST
Quote From: bearcourage I appreciate that everyone has an opinion but sometimes I think alot of the critism that people have for people who choose to swing is lack of understanding. And lack of understanding is the number one factor in any discrimatory action. With that being said, my husband and I have been in the lifestyle for several years. It has enriched our marriage as opposed to distroying it. I do think it is wrong for anyone to go into this to please their partner or there will be horrible results! This lifestyle, for us atleast, is about sharing our deepest innermost fantasies and experiencing them together. I'm curious about something for those that are so quick to be critical, have you ever has a sexual fantasy that you would not tell either your spouse or partner? My guess is, YES! If your marriage or relationship is better than ours, then why wouldn't you share that with them? That's not to say that this is for everyone because it is not! But for my husband and I, there is absolutely nothing we would not tell eachother, in regard to sex or anything else. There maybe things that I fantasize about but he doesn't share that fantasy or it isn't appealing to him and vice versa but we talk about it, honestly and openly. And we admit, there are somethings that are better left as a fantasy. Another question for those who want to be critical, do you also think it is so horrible for a married couple to watch porno or to engage in the use of sex toys? You see, not everyone has to agree with everyone else but no one has the right to say what consenting adults do. Both myself and my husband are bisexual (I'm sure I opened another can of worms with that one...lol). There is no way to explore that side of our sexuality in a "monogomous" relationship. As for risk of disease, well there is actually a smaller risk, much smaller, in this lifestyle than other choices. You see, we get tested every couple of months, as do our partners and we all have the paperwork to prove it. As for kids, our children are the most important parts of our lives hence the reason we rarely get a chance to go "play" as a couple. We have made the decision to be able to play seperately. Now tell me, how many people have that much trust in their relationship? If you don't, then you do not belong in this lifestyle. And no, we have no intention of one day sitting our kids down and saying, "Guess what mommy and daddy do!". That's insane. I'm sure at some point and time there will be questions and we will answer them honestly according to age appropriateness just like we would with anything else. We don't ask that you agree with our choices but please don't condemn us just as we would not your choices in your life.
Bearcourage Very well put Bearcourage! As a non-swinging (vanilla) friend of a few swingers... here's my take on the subject. My girlfriend and I have a wonderful, intimate, and exciting sex life. We, at times, like many other people, incorporate fantasy into our sex life. Some of those fantasies entail *others* on occasion. Quite some time ago, I discovered that a friend of mine and his wife were *in the lifestyle*. IE: Swingers. He and I had many long discussions on the subject. Primarily, because I was incredibly intrigued by the mere idea that a man could, and would, allow, let alone enjoy, in reality, another man pleasuring his wife/gf sexually! I mean, come on! How in the world could a person do that?? I had a hard enough time dealing with men flirting with my girlfriend when we'd go out! I had serious insecurities regarding other men, past and present... these insecurities of mine created a great deal of angst in my relationship with my girlfriend... Flash forward to today... First and foremost, I found today's program appalling on many levels.. This man has no business being married to that woman. I certainly hope she gets help and support.. and leaves her husband.. Having said that, I do have to agree with many of the pro-lifestyle and/or swingers that have responded tonight. The swinging lifestyle is definitely NOT for most people. Swingers are in-fact some of the MOST secure, confident, trusting and honest people I have ever met. Think about it for a moment.. How incredibly secure and confident in one's self AND one's partner, a person must be to allow their loved one to engage sexually with another.. Most swingers will go out of their way to caution anyone even considering this lifestyle.. They do this because they know that not many people are secure/confident enough in themselves and/or their relationship to participate in swinging... Many swinger clubs will screen, and even turn away, new/prospective members for this very reason... The swingers I and my girlfriend know, have a level closeness, security, and trust in their relationship with one another that I have seldom seen in non-swinger relationships.. most are with any doubt, deeply in love with one another.. committed to each other for life.. I say *most* because there are always exceptions.. After many many months of talking, reading, researching, etc.. my girlfriend and I attended a dance at a swinger club.. we were both VERY nervous about it.. we both absolutely agreed ahead of time on some rules.. we agreed, that no matter what, we were not going to engage in sex with anyone else. We agreed that if either one of us were uncomfortable for any reason at all.. we would leave. I have to say, we had a wonderful time. Every one there was very respectful of us. Not one person pressured us. Not one person stepped over any lines.. not one single man made unwelcome advances on my girlfriend! I can not say the same for traditional clubs.. I literally can not turn my back at a traditional club for even a minute without some Neanderthal making a move on her... That simply did not happen at the swingers dance. I actually found it quite refreshing :) We left that night having had a rather good time. No hankie-pankie, a little flirting, a little dancing... nothing more.. and a lot of respect for those we met that night. Very honest, open, secure, and happy couples. No games, no pretense, no drama, no jockeying... no disrespect.. Again, not at all what you find at traditional clubs... We are not swingers. We have never *played* with anyone else... that is not to say we never will.... However, we both see, and understand the draw to the lifestyle.. and we are open minded and mature enough to respect those in it. You can argue morality all you like.. but leave the name calling and disrespectful comments out of the debate.. If half of you were as secure and honest in and with yourselves and those you love, as those I know in the swinging lifestyle.. this thread would not be half as raucus as it is... A proverb comes to mind..... something about *Judge not... lest ye be judged......*? Just food for thought. Vanilla friends..... (for now :) |
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